In The Eyes Of..

Stalking: A favorite past time.

2011-09-01T21:18:00.003+08:00

People really like to stalk. I like doing it, I'm not entirely creepy when I do it. It's a favorite past time. It's funny that the most viewed blog post I have is How To Stalk Someone as dictated by my stats page. And my audience are mostly Americans. Oh America, I have mixed emotions about you.

Career choices in my twenties.

2011-09-01T21:09:00.003+08:00

So I've been thinking... Med School or take another course (Creative Writing perhaps?)

I do not know why I keep the thought of going to Med School a thing even though I don't want to be a doctor. I mean, there are things I like if I were to be a doctor but not necessarily being one.

Sometimes I think that I'd meet the perfect man in Med School but that's my prejudiced side speaking. I underestimate other people. I'd rather underestimate than to overestimate.

I know I can handle Med School not in a stride, that's for sure. But I know I can make it. I'm not stupid, I'm not incredibly smart either but I know because... well, let's just say I hate disappointing myself.

Creative Writing? Why is it still in my list? If I am not going to be a doctor, well at least I'd want to do something I'm passionate about. I don't know if any of my peers have or had taken this path, I may be the first. I'm being ambitious.

Or maybe I should just stick with my current career as a Clinical Laboratory Scientist, it pays the bills but does not compensate me enough to let me live on my own. I enjoy the job most of the time but not exactly happy with it. I'm most certain that I am not passionate about it.

Enlighten me please.

Marriage.

2011-08-12T13:17:00.002+08:00

But I've always known
That I won't be happy
Until I'm the best version of myself when I'm alone
So fuck thinking of marriage
Till I learn to put another person first and be a parent
I pinky swear it

-G. Watsky

I'm too selfish to marry someone.

When you're on fire, you just want to burn.

2011-08-04T19:11:00.001+08:00

See, here’s the thing:
I’m a bitch…
No! Not that kind of bitch,
But I am a bitch.
When I know someone did something to offend people,
I’ll tell you why that’s wrong.
If you do something not nice to me,
I swear I’ll tear you to pieces
And I will make sure that
You hear what I have to say,
Because you are loathsome.
You are smaller and more pathetic
Than the fungus living
In the deepest recesses of your brain.
THAT kind of bitch.
And if you are going to bitch out on me,
Make sure you bitch hard and you bitch well.
Make sure you are within reason.
Be sure, be abso-fucking-lutely sure that I am wrong.
Then that’s the time I’ll think about apologizing.
But rarely do I say that I’m sorry.
If I hurt you in any way,
I may have done that on purpose.
And if you do things on purpose,
You are not sorry for those things.

Here’s my credo:
Do not be afraid to question things.
Never be afraid to ask.
That will be the time
You can weed out the lies and
Understand the truth.
Do not be ashamed of your mistakes.
Be happy you made them
And that you learned from them.
That’s the time you discover the truth.
Be invigorated
That you reached a higher level of understanding.
Next time, you have the chance to redeem yourself and be right.
Never limit yourself to what you only believe.
There are ideas everywhere,
Opinions unheard.
And if you do not agree with them,
Don’t be a dick about it.
At least you get to hear them and validate your belief.
If those ideas made your belief stronger,
Good for you.
If those ideas made you
Question your opinions,
Then continue searching.
Find your own truth.
Have your own ideas and opinions.
Broaden your mind.
Reconnect to the world.
Listen to what they have to say
Continuously edit yourself
And realize that
You are not who you are
But you are a collection of thoughts.

Tell you what:
Knowledge, truth and wisdom are important.
Your own quality control and assurance are important.
Your standards are important.
Inter-personal relationships with people…
Ah! Now we’re on to something.

Here’s my advice:
Cherish those you love.
Make some time and effort to develop relationships.
Your relationship with other people
Is one of the best things in life.
Be happy you have them.
Because you will never be lonely.
If you like me and
I happen to dislike you,
Move on.
You will never be happy with me.
Or rather,
I will never be happy with you.
Honestly,
Who would be happy with someone you dislike?
I’m not a saint.
I just told you,
I’m a bitch.
Call me a bitch anytime you want.
I’ll take it as a compliment,
Or maybe not.
I’m capricious.
If you’re smart, and funny, and witty
And you smell good,
Then I like you already.
I’m not going to say
I want to make babies with you
Because people will judge me for it.
But GODDAMNIT! I WANT TO MAKE BABIES WITH YOU!
So why should I care about what they say?

See, people can be stupid.
People are erratic.
People can be unreliable.
We’re all hypocrites.
We’re all selfish.
We all want attention.
We all want to be loved.
But do they matter?
If you’re struggling right now,
Don’t give up.
You can only survive.
“Everything is survivable except the last.”
No one knows how to deal with it.
You can only survive it.
And if you have,
That’s the only time that you can say,
“It gets better.”
It does and it will.
If only you don’t give up.
Don’t be like Hannah Baker.

You see, this is the time
I have to be a bitch
Because the timing is perfect.
After all the encouragement,
I have the need to remind you
Of the absolute truth.
When you’ve become so pessimistic
And you’ve realized that everything sucks,
You have no one to hang onto
But yourself.
“It gets better” becomes stupid,
And you begin to understand
That after it gets better,
Time and space will connive against you,
The universe will conspire
To make your life unhappy.
You just have to remind yourself
Everyday,
That the truth is,
It gets better when everybody lies.

"I need a stage and an audience. I'M ON FIRE!"

-karlalauren -sugarcanes_weathervanes hey! what are you doing reading my entries like that?

Waiting, bored and broken.

2011-06-03T21:57:00.001+08:00

I used to have loads of toys when I was a kid. I'm not even exaggerating. Every week I would ask my mom to buy me a new toy in which she would irately respond 'I haven't even seen you play with the last toy I bought.' Another exaggeration. Of course she's seen me play with it for a week, probably shorter than that. After I get bored for playing with the same thing for a week, I would put them away in a box big enough to fit a Christmas tree. I told you, 'loads of toys'.

It's true that I get bored easily. I believe that certain trait of mine grew up with me and is currently living inside this body. I can never do something long enough for it to get finished. Boy, was I surprised when I graduated. I'm more surprised I'm still alive.

The stories I write never end. Some books I read are left unanswered because I never get to the end, because I keep buying other books. It's like I have a pile of ink and paper in my room waiting to unfold, waiting for interpretation from me. The hobbies I used to have are just talents waiting to be honed. I wonder if this can be a good thing.

You know, I've never really tested this out to people but I guess my high school friends would tell me I no longer communicate with them. I guess in relationships, I'll get bored with them after a week. Like the toys I used to have when I was a kid. Left in a box, dusty and old, decrepit and broken. Waiting, just waiting, to be picked up once again.

An update, NaNoWriMo, Writing and Vlogging.

2011-04-22T16:16:00.001+08:00

Considering the fact that I really have nothing good to say today, I decided to update the blog just to say I'm doing something. I know it's hard to write about something when there's nothing in your mind to write about. Somehow, I feel like I'm giving up on writing, when in fact it's what I want to do for the rest of my life while possibly running a business of my own. That's a future that should come into fruition.

I've always wanted to do a lot of things. I've wanted to paint, I've wanted to play a lot of instruments, I've wanted to design houses and even clothes, I've wanted to go on a world tour, I've wanted to be a photojournalist, well basically I wanted to do almost everything. It seems to me that I have penchant for wanting to do a lot of things and end up not doing it. In a way, sloth, a sickness of mine only next to greed and selfishness, has something to do with it. Lately, or probably ever since I began watching vlogs on YouTube, I've wanted to do video blogs but always hesitated because I didn't know how to start. Also I wanted it to be perfect. I don't want to do it just because I wanted to vlog but I want to do it because I know I have a lot of things to say. I'm opinionated. Writing cannot satisfy that feeling when you really want something to come across to other people. Feelings and emotions do not translate well over text; I'm not that talented of a writer.

In another note, I know that November is still months away but I'm already planning for my next story for NaNoWriMo. If you have any ideas, please I'm begging you put them in the comments below. I don't mind if you read this years from now, as long as NaNoWriMo still lives then it's fine with me. I do have great ideas I just don't know if I'll be able to execute and deliver properly. I've already thought about writing something about Zombies but I don't think it'll be that interesting. I've thought about writing and creating a different universe other than our own or about something like Neverwhere but these are still in the works. I have drafts and they all look grim so I'm not sure if I'll finish them.

On another different note, I still want to do a Manila tour. I want to just walk around Manila or the good part of Alabang and Makati and take pictures. Oh the things I want to do…

I guess that's just an update. I hope the future looks bright for me. I don't want to be an employee forever.

I’m a shy person but if you cut in front of me, I will tear you apart with my bare hands.

2011-01-26T17:29:00.001+08:00

I found out, after answering 300 questions, that: I am a pessimistic person, I am shy, I am brutally honest, I am NOT the life of the party, I hate animal cruelty, I believe that my future looks dark, I'd rather be alone or be at home than with friends, if you cut in front of me I will tear you apart, and that I'd rather be a fashion designer than be a miner. The questions were repetitive, I didn't need an interpretation of what my answers are.

Although I'm sure I'm not shy, there are some instances that I'd rather not say what I'm thinking and I'm bad at making conversations but I'm totally and absolutely not shy.

Also, I feel like not going to work tomorrow or the day after that, or the day after that day. Actually, I don't feel like going to work any day at all. Especially at that place. BLEH!

Gurl, what's up?

2011-01-25T20:50:00.000+08:00

-karlalauren -sugarcanes_weathervanes hey! what are you doing reading my entries like that?

I've realized that I hate Filipino endearments. Whether it's a friendly one or something romantic. It's just annoying. A few of them are: teh, sis, friend, guuuuurrrl, beb, bibi, etc.

Especially that gurl one. Why do they have to pronounce it like they're gurgling?

I am ~~silently judging you~~not judging people who use these terms, I'm just merely stating that I don't like these endearments people use nowadays.

Sometimes I do feel like I live in a wrong country, but I do wonder if I'd ever feel at home at any country at all.

I suck at playing LIFE.

2011-01-25T14:07:00.001+08:00

Sure everyone needs to work one day. Everyone has to make his own money.

What do you do with opportunities? Do you really grab them even if you don't want it? Oh, dear Lord, I do not know what I'm going to do. I am not motivated anymore. Can't I have one more month to rest before I go out there and live the real life? Can't I just spend one more month on folly and laziness and worry-free mornings? I just want to drink my coffee, eat whenever I want to, imagine things that will never happen to me, sleep-in and sleep during the wee hours of the morning watching Sherlock, Doctor Who, etc; read more books and write something that is worth reading.

I'm sure I wouldn't be lazy if I do enjoy what I'm doing. I mean, when I think about doing it, I just want to give up on my life and just choose a different life that I can live. Whenever I'm there doing it though, I somehow find myself enjoying it in a little way. I like keeping myself busy. Whether it means lying down on my bed musing or walking around doing laboratory stuff, I just want my head to be so occupied with things that aren't in real time. I don't even know what I just said. I want to be so many things but I can't. I want to travel and explore the world and write about it and read about it. I don't want to be confined in a four-cornered box doing routine work. I WANT TO BE OUT THERE. Probably like the Doctor. He's out there exploring the whole universe and he gets to have a real adventure each time. He can eat his cake whenever he wants to.

I want to write, and write some more but I never really had practice and I feel like I'm not even good at it at all. I feel like quoting Darren Criss right now.

"I feel like a loser. I feel like I'm lost. I feel like I'm not sure if I feel anything at all."

Oh God, I feel like such a loser. I dream of so many things and yet here I am not even moving forward. Not even making money. Even spending money I don't own. I am such a mess. My life is a huge blackhole. I just suck at everything.

So here is the real problem: So this hospital that I just spent my six months wasting on texted me telling me that I should go to work tomorrow. I do want to work at that hospital because training is really good there but I don't really enjoy the people there. There are so many sly, backstabbing people who I just can't deal with. I know that every workplace has this same situation but I just don't want to take my chances and work with them. No way. Oh, but the work experience will be so good! Also, I live so fucking far away from this hospital. I don't know if I'll be able to afford to rent a flat near it. On the other hand, I do know other hospitals that are hiring Clinical Lab Scientists right now. They have the same great training that the previous hospital offers but the salary must be low. Oh dear Lord, Jesus Christ! What the fuck should I do?

I should have passed those resumes when I had the chance! God damn it! I suck at playing life! Why do I procrastinate so much? Why do I whine so much? Why can't I just do something about it?

/endrant/

Book Review: Hunger Games trilogy

2010-10-24T17:24:00.000+08:00

-karlalauren -sugarcanes_weathervanes hey! what are you doing rConsider being thrown in a hostile environment with twenty-three complete strangers and you all battle it to the death. Now consider falling in love with one of them; someone you have to kill and who’s also trying to kill you. Very unfortunate, right?

I have to admit I was reluctant to buy it because the plot reminded me of Battle Royale and also because Stephenie Meyer liked the book, but somehow I managed to put that aside and waited for the right time to buy it. What was that quote people always say when buying books? Never judge a book just because Stephenie Meyer has read it.

Right when I got to page two, I was hooked. I couldn’t put it down. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t even though I had only four hours of sleep left before I get up and go to work. It’s amazing how authors give you that feeling. Even at work all I think about was what was going to happen next.

To give you an idea, it’s about a dystopian world set in the future. Civilization is almost destroyed and everyone struggles to have food on the table. Some places are richer than the others that they don’t have to worry about anything except the reaping and the annual Hunger Games. The reaping is a process wherein every district of Panem – a country that was once called North America – has to send one boy and one girl between the ages of twelve and eighteen to participate in the Hunger Games; a battle to the death on live TV; Survival of the fittest and the smartest. The Hunger Games is the higher authorities’ cruel way of reminding their people of what would happen once they resist them. It is a way of reminding them of a once living District Thirteen that got annihilated when they rebelled against them. To some, it is considered pure entertainment, but to the people living in the districts they consider it as a death sentence. Throw in a huge reference to peace and war, rebellion, Greek mythology and put in a little romance and this book will have your eyes glued for hours.

It is perfectly paced and engrossing that I’m almost repeating the review of some of the people who have read the book because they’re right. Right after finishing the book, I knew I had to get the second and third books as soon as possible, and I did… literally just a few minutes after finishing The Hunger Games.

Suzanne Collins writes so differently from the others. She goes directly to the point, an issue I have with a few writers. She doesn’t waste her time describing in detail the room the heroine is in or what every follicle of her hair is like or what another character’s doing. An advantage and a disadvantage really. She lets you imagine the whole scenario yourself but at the same time they felt rushed, like she wanted it to be done and go right to the next scene. It doesn’t seem right. The structure of the book keeps nagging at me; it’s also one of the reasons why I felt it’s rushed. Every book is divided into three parts and each part has nine chapters, just nine; no more, no less. It somehow felt like she had to cram every important detail in a section because she can’t go over nine chapters. It’s as if she’s forbidden to.

I can also see why a lot have been saying they couldn’t put the book down; for one thing, the story itself is riveting, but another one is that Suzanne ends every freaking chapter with a cliff-hanger and a blow to the gut that you just have to know what happens next. The characters are easy to love, you can’t help but feel pity or sympathy or disgust for some of them. The action of the story is gripping. There were times when I felt my heart race as if I’m trying to keep Katniss, the heroine, alive. Sometimes I imagine myself in the arena as an invisible ally running with her to avoid danger.

It is somehow predictable though, which is somehow good because it means I’m following the author’s train of thought, but sometimes loses the suspense of the story. Maybe it’s just me but I find the story somewhat thought-provoking and I guess that’s also one of the reasons why I stay so late at night wondering about it or asking myself why this or that happened and then I try putting myself in the characters’ shoes.

The romance part is a huge thing in the books too. I’m not sure if there’s any competition though. It’s clear that Katniss will end up with Peeta Mellark. Oh my good Lord, Peeta Mellark!! Poor Gale Hawthorne, I pity you so much.

I totally recommend this for everyone to read. Something that will take your mind off the world of werewolves, vampires, angels and fairies.

SPOILERS AHEAD: Train of thought.

What the hell?! Why did Prim die? I couldn’t see the purpose of her death. Somehow, Katniss’s efforts to keep her alive since the first book have been put to waste. Maybe it was imperative for Alma Coin’s character but all in all, her death was so horrible and pointless. I didn’t really see that coming. It’s so devastating. The third book was too much for me. Too much adorable characters wasted. Too much death in one book. I have to admit that I already saw Finnick’s fate coming. I wasn’t surprised at all, but how Suzanne Collins delivered it shocked me. There was no warning. It’s actually very important that he died, so that Katniss can move forward.
Peeta’s struggle was unbearable. I couldn’t imagine someone hating me so much that they’d want to kill me.

I have a big problem with Gale’s ending. His last conversation with Katniss made me want to tear the book to pieces. There was no closure. If somehow Gale took Peeta’s place in the Games, what would happen to them and to their family? But I guess he had to choose who to protect, Katniss or her family. There’s also this part of the book that’s been bothering me ever since I finished Mockingjay, the part where Katniss only felt relief upon hearing that Gale’s in District Two. RELIEF? What do you mean? Was Katniss relieved because she can no longer see Gale because seeing him would remind her of Prim or was she relieved because Gale is safe and he’s living a life that he finally deserves. Will Katniss ever forgive him? This drove me insane. So I just guessed or maybe send Suzanne Collins a letter asking for an explanation. He’s her oldest friend, almost like a brother, but because of his possible but indirect involvement with Prim’s death my guess is that Katniss will never see Gale without thinking about Prim. Gale will never forgive himself that’s for sure, that’s why he never returned to District Twelve, it would be too much for him. Maybe Katniss will forgive Gale but there will be that dark past that will continue to sever what’s left of their friendship. She never really felt anything for him, that’s why there’s no competition for Peeta. I don’t really know, I’m just justifying their fates here.

I liked how the last few lines before the epilogue though, wherein Peeta asks Katniss if it’s real that she loves him and Katniss replies with ‘Real’. Don’t even bother to read the epilogue, it sucked. Of course that would happen, they’d have kids and the Games ended and they lived not really happily ever after but I have to give her credit for the last lines of that epilogue. I loved it.

I’m not even going to talk about the second book. The third book didn’t impress me quite as much as the first two did. It lacked something. It wasn’t exactly a happy ending and it wasn’t really a sad ending either, but there was something missing. It felt incomplete. Just like how the author ends every chapter but this time it’s final, I can’t do anything about it but figure out myself what happened.

So, if you were thrown into an arena with nothing but your survival instincts, how would you win?
Would you let someone use you as a piece of their game? Something disposable and replaceable?
How are you better than the others?

"We're fickle, stupid beings with poor memories and a great gift for self-destruction." - Plutarch, Mockingjayeading my entries like that?

2010-03-24T00:29:00.001+08:00

Ok.. just a quick note. It's really funny how we look back at our own selves and at our own things and disgust ourselves by what we find out. This blog has too much crap in it because I wrote it when I was much younger. I had emo blood at the time so please forgive me if I sounded shallow before. Why would I even write about those things?

I'll never delete them though.

I’m still alive… barely.

2010-03-24T00:16:00.001+08:00

So looking back, the last post I have ever written was last November, and it's already 2010. This actually sucks because I have actually no excuse as to why I've never updated my blog. I can't say I'm busy since I've been spending all my time on the internet than any other things. Actually, truth of the matter is, I don't know what to give you guys. Not that I have so many readers, I doubt that I have even one loyal reader. Let's just pretend that I have an audience. So here I am, writing this or typing… and nothing really good coming of it. I guess it's just an update and just to let you people out there that I'm still alive and very much healthy. So updates. Let's talk about them

November: got a job at my favourite place in Philippines. Makati, Metro Manila. The privileges are good although the pay sucks and the practice is not enough. It's just a small clinic where rich people go to. I'd still want to work at a big hospital though like MMC or Saint Luke's or somewhere better.

You know, that's the only thing new about my mundane life.

I know I have to give you guys something better. Whoever you are.

Love life? Let's talk about that when I'm not sleepy.

Tabula Rasa

2009-11-19T04:28:00.002+08:00

To be pigeonholed as a stalker just because I posted tips on how to stalk someone even though I've made a disclaimer saying "this should not be taken seriously" is unfair. Maybe writing it in the first place is a bad idea but it's purely for enjoyment and nothing more. However shrewd the joke is I shouldn't be worrying about it much because IT IS A JOKE. It seems though that I don't like jokes about me, they're good at first then they get boring and old then they're suddenly not funny and it suddenly becomes insulting. It's as if they're branding me this label that I am not. I remember when I was in high school, my seatmate who wasn't much liked by everybody was called 'bato'. This is because he shows no emotion, he is unfeeling and indifferent to things around him that sometimes it would look as if it's insolence rather than indifference. He would even take punches from other immature boys and he would show a pretty blank face. One day, a classmate was calling him from the back of the room, not by his proper name but by the name they've given him. Before he looked I grabbed his arm and told him not to ignore them. His petty argument was that it might be something important. Clearly he didn't understand the lesson he should learn from what I did so I asked him if he liked them calling him improper names. Lo and behold, he answered no. so I told him, "Then you should learn how to ignore them so they'll learn how to call you by your proper name". It worked. I like having trips to memory lane most especially if the memory was something worth remembering. Somehow, this tip that I got from myself is working slowly as usual. I'm not one to give advice especially if I'm the one who needs it.

--.--.--.--.—

So it seems another day went by,

But the whole world didn't notice.

I guess I just remember that first goodbye

And that last bittersweet kiss.

So it seems I managed to keep me sane

I guess the whole world's watching.

Is there a place to keep me safe,

While everyone's forward marching?

Different ties, different lies

Should I even be surprised?

We walk alone as someone dies

Is it worth the emptiness?

So carry on or think twice

Because it's worth your life

You walk your talk and talk your walk

Before taking the dive.

So it seems the world has changed

But without me noticing.

Maybe then we all had aged

Still it keeps us wishing.

And then we go our separate ways

Unmindful of the place.

But in our heart we'd go back here

A home where we will stay.

How to Stalk Someone... err...

2009-11-07T02:21:00.001+08:00

So you want to stalk someone… I have to warn you though, this is not a good idea. You should know your limitations and you should know that I’m not serious with this entry. What I’ll be writing is purely idiotic and should not be taken ~~seriously~~. You should also know that this is just the result of being bored and being unemployed. I’m giving you a chance to walk away and take the blue pill…

The following tips are based on experiences and are subject to major failure. I didn’t do any research and even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you… ‘cause that’s just creepy.

Before stalking, you have to have good reasons why you want to stalk someone. Being bored is a good reason as long as you’re not going to kill him or stand outside his house for a few hours or texting him things like “Nakita kita ngayon, nakita mo din ba ako? (I saw you today, did you see me too?)”. Another reason would be attraction, this is usually the first reason why you’d want to stalk someone, or maybe you find that person interesting and you want to get to know him without him knowing you (shy type?).

1. Know the basic info – If you’re going to stalk someone, the first thing you have to master is his…. FACE. The name comes second. Seriously, you have to master his features if you’re going to stalk someone or else you might confuse this person with his/her twin. Always remember what this person looks like. Also, there should be a name attached to the face. You could also try giving this person a codename if you haven’t found out his name yet. Examples are: Whoop whoop, Sally pla pla, finance… (any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental). Code names should be fun, easy to remember and would somehow describe a person. You’d very much want to do this if you’re stalking more than three people. you don’t want to confuse the names with their faces, do you? At least know the name for Pete’s sake!

2. Observe – Before Google-stalking the person, you have to know what they do, where they go to work or school, their position , know if he/she is the president of your school council because that would make it easier for you to find him. The point is: BASIC INFO. You must know who you’re dealing with. You never know, they might be stalking you too! Try to be discreet, if you know he’s near, try not to PANIC and run away. Just stay calm and pretend you didn’t see him but be aware of their presence. When he’s already walked past you, DON’T LOOK AT HIS ASS JUST YET. Wait for a few good inches. Sometimes these people know they’re being watched especially if you’re not subtle with your stalking abilities and they’ll try to look through their peripherals and see if you’re ogling at them.

3. Take notes – this is something stalkers overlook at but is of vital importance. This is very, very high school-ish but could be of great use. Record every detail, conversation, encounters, dates and times you had with the person. IN DETAIL! If you’ve mastered their daily routine and out of nowhere he suddenly stops doing something, or he has added more hours to his extra-curricular activities, the more reason you have to observe. It also adds to the mystery. It’s all a mystery game; you getting to know who he is, him trying to find out who his creepy stalker is… Take notes so you wouldn’t forget pertinent details and things you’ve learned so far.

4. Plan your work and work your plan – if you’re going to stalk someone, know their schedule. Know how and when you’re going to watch them from afar. Don’t stay too long, just pass by long enough for you to catch a glimpse of him/her. Staying too long is creepy. CATCH A GLIMPSE and don’t let him catch you catching a glimpse of him. It’s annoying. Also, know your escape routes in case they catch you looking and decided to follow you. DON’T WEAR DISGUISES, THEY DON’T WORK!

5. Research and Gather Info – Google-stalking that is. You know their name, search it on the intarnets. You’ll find more info about him one way or another. Try Google, and other social-networking sites. Also try deviantart, flickr, photobucket, livejournal, YouTube, twitter, ~~pipl, zabasearch~~ and other shit.

6. Be prepared – be prepared for the consequences that will soon follow. Worst thing that’ll happen: THEY’LL FIND OUT. From that point, you may want to rethink stalking as your out-of-boredom hobby. They may sue you, embarrass you, and get away from you or something you’d never expect. Also, be prepared for all the things you might find out about. They may have good looks, fine grades, excellent vocabulary, good family ties but they may have murdered people or sold their soul to the devil for all you know. Try looking through your notes and see if he spends most of the night hours in the streets and alleyways or if they do things out of the ordinary. Read the newspaper for serial killers. J Be prepared for a few excuses when he catches you. Throw in something like “You were sparkling and I couldn’t help notice it. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one.” Or something like that. Whatever, JUST BE PREPARED.

7. Didn’t, doesn’t, won’t, will never – sometimes stalkers get caught because they don’t think and they’re clumsy and they leave a trail of their mess behind. You have to be aware that he may have seen/heard/known you but REMEMBER THESE: (These are also useful when you embarrass yourself in front of him)

a. If you think he saw you, he didn’t.

b. If you think he heard you, he didn’t.

c. If you think he knows you, he doesn’t.

d. If you think he remembers you, he doesn’t.

e. If you think he’ll sue you, he won’t.

f. If you think he’ll stalk you, he will never.

g. If you think he’ll talk to you, he will never.

h. If you think he’ll notice, we will never know.

Pretend he didn’t see you but don’t take it out of consideration. Like I’ve said: BE PREPARED.

8. Getting the number – Probably the hardest especially if you’re not friends with the person and it’s not on his FB page or it’s not anywhere in the intarnets. Only two things you can do:

i. Be friendly – be friend them and ask them yourself.

ii. Connections – you should know someone or befriend someone who knows their number. This person should know how to shut their trap.

>this tip is easy if you work in a laboratory and you like that doctor from the Ortho department.

9. Accomplice – this person has to have the same interest as you do and should be trustworthy. They’ll help you in ways unimaginable.

Well, that’s it. I don’t know if I missed anything. Feel free to add more.

edit

Mirrors are actually useful. ANY KIND OF MIRROR OR WINDOW GLASS. Use these if you don't want him to catch you looking at him. Use these so you can admire his awesomeness without being caught. WORKS EVERY FREAKIN TIME!

2009-11-03T19:58:00.001+08:00

No one I know knows that this is my blog. Well, no one I know knows that I have a blog here. I chose not to tell anybody since I don't want people I know what I really think about. It's more of a publicized private blog. No one I know knows that this is me, and everyone that I don't know wouldn't really care what goes on inside this tiny head of mine. By knowing this, I don't really have to worry about anything until someone I know tells me that he or she read this.

Why is everyone happy? Why can't I be happy? Am I even happy? Do I lack compassion and the ability to be compassionate to other people? Should I even care about what other people might think of me?

I wonder why I am the way I am. I don't know if I'm happy or just not content with what I have. Maybe I envy other people; maybe I'm insecure with everything that I am that I tend to look at others' life and then hate them contemptuously but then I might hate mine all this time. I think I'm questioning my own life. Does it even matter to anyone anymore? Do these emo moments really come to people's life one way or another? I don't like feeling crap all the time. It makes me feel worthless and useless. Maybe I should start work soon but I'm getting in my own way. I should look for work. Being with people makes me happy. Being able to relate to them makes me feel human.

I'm thinking of doing vlogs; that sounds fun. A get away from all these writing and at least I get to really say what's on my mind. I really miss writing though. When I get my life back and when I know myself again, maybe I should try writing again.

Vests, Wife-beaters and Break ups.

2009-10-30T23:13:00.001+08:00

Soooo, instead of defeating the vampire lords in vampire wars I decided that it's right about time to update my notes if you're reading from FB or blog if you're reading from my blogspot. This, hopefully, will be a decent post from post-board exam. I've written so many drafts and different themes but they didn't make it up to the second paragraph.

Today has been another unproductive day for me. Not only did I sleep in today I also did nothing but check FB and read blogs and watch videos about breakups. Yes, my dear readers, breakups. I don't know what it is that makes it so intriguing. Just knowing how and when people break up are enough to keep me interested and my eyes locked on the screen. Oh wait, hold on… FMA is now on; I'll be back after 30 minutes, mmkay?

Right. So I was watching this channel on Youtube, it's a collab channel by a couple where they post videos individually and they talk about each other. It's not as bad as it sounds; it's quite entertaining to be honest. This channel has to go on everyday for the whole of 2009 but sadly it only lasted for 3 months, around March. It doesn't take a genius to know why it only lasted that long. Then the guy from that channel broke up with someone AGAIN recently. Next thing I know, I was jumping from one channel to another until I came across his ex-gf's blog. She writes well and she writes long entries. I don't know why I had the sudden urge to look through her entries to find out why they broke up. It wasn't until I reached her entries from the month of August that I finally knew what was going on. She writes almost every other day and she writes very long entries that I don't understand why I had to go through that tedious reading just to find out what happened. I think that's how I got my degree in Google-stalking. I am inquisitive and endearingly persistent, or pretty much just your old gossiper and stalker.

How bad is it to break up with someone? I don't know what it's like. Is it the same as being rejected or being deprived of something you long to have? Because if it is then maybe I'm not missing so much after all. In my current state of mind, if ever I go into a relationship I think I'd only be interested in the breaking-up part. I think some part of me wants to get hurt. Psychopathic masochist much? I'll have it one way or another.

In a somewhat unrelated note: do you guys know what a wife-beater is? No, it's not an out-of-control husband. It's something you wear. In Filipino it's a sando. Men usually wear these sleeveless shirts when it's hot or as an undershirt. I didn't know it's called a wife-beater in the US and it's such a weird name for something, in UK it's known as a vest. This cute fact I now know just because I read blogs about breaking up.

Oh a few more things before I end this entry:

I recently discovered a band named A Hush Sound, I'm starting to like them. A bit panic at the disco-ish but they're ok

Alex Day's Parrot Stories Album is so cute. I love him

Still can't get my mind off I've got nothing music video. (http:www.youtube.com/chartjackersproject) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOPL-JGxc5o)

I'll turn 21 in 3 weeks. Who wants to celebrate it with me? J

I want Clocky – the alarm clock that runs away which can be found in Cutting Edge Trinoma for my birthday, or the book The Hour I First Believed by Wally Lamb, The Hunger Games, Anansi Boys or The Good Omens or any other good book. Please?

Who wants to break up with me? can I break up with friends? Is that possible?

Who's going to the Katy Perry concert this November?

*there's nothing in my heeeaaaart but you!!*

Byeeeeeee!!!!!

An Update After A Few Months

2009-10-19T03:06:00.001+08:00

I've been trying to find inspiration the last few months and I've been trying to find myself these past few days but still I failed. This post is not because I found inspiration but because it's been bothering me that I haven't updated for a long time. Also, this post will be in the format of my stream of thought.

Today, I discovered that I'm sad. Sad, lonely and miserable. You've experienced it. Something bad happened and then you got over it after a few hours or so you thought, then there's this nagging feeling that tells you you're pissed for no apparent reason. That's what I'm feeling and I hate it because I know the reason why.

When you try to prove to yourself that you're better than what you are now, there are only two possible things that could happen: You may succeed or you may fail. When you fail, it only proves one thing: You're not capable of doing better than what you can do now. I'm being a pessimist here but given that I feel miserable today I should be pessimistic. I look back and see that not much have grown in me and to quote Socrates: "The only thing that I know is that I know nothing". Really, what do I know?

I need to live and to do that; I have to be out there! Where the sun shines, where everyone moves, where everything is poetic. I have to be unpredictable. I NEED to be unpredictable. I have to strive for happiness.

I've been having flashbacks of the things I'd done that I hate and events that embarrass me by several levels of magnitude. It's torture to relive them all over again. Regrets are hard to forget 'cause they stay with you. Everyone has regrets; they just say they don't have any because they've learned how to live with them. Memories are a treasure and ghosts at the same time. They're ghosts in a heart-shaped box.

I need someone to love and I need that someone to love me back. I've got so much love to give but no one to receive it. I need love.

I need a black hole. Can someone give me one?

Of Books and Time Traveling

2009-07-01T00:07:00.000+08:00

When I read a book, I pretty much give myself into it. I am absorbed by what’s inside; as if I’m there witnessing everything first-hand. Although I see myself standing there not really the character itself but an observer; a silent and invisible observer who watches every move willed by my mind and created by my imagination.

I am currently reading The Time Traveller’s Wife (lots of typos and grammatical errors just like Twilight, ohmygodwhoaretheeditorsofthesebooksbuti’msorrybecausei’malsonotperfect). At one point in the book, the time traveller compares time travelling to playing a tape. Maybe I’ll explain it in a similar way. I’ll compare it to reading a book.

Let’s say time travelling is a reality God created. Your life is a book, or a series of books; you read it from start to finish. You cannot just jump at a page without even reading what happened before that. When I first read a book, now this has been a bad habit of mine ever since, I like leafing, flipping or just jumping at any page I like and read a few dialogues, paragraphs or even a few words. Sometimes, I’d look at the very end of the book just to know what’ll be the outcome of the whole story. Then I’d realize that I had read too much than what I should so I close the book and return to where I originally stopped and continue reading. This is why time travelling is bad. There’s no thrill if you already know what will happen before you got there. Even if you know what will happen next, you can’t do anything about it because it’s all been laid out there waiting for you to get to that page. If it says Dumbledore will die and Severus Snape will die and Harry and Ginny were to marry, then that’s that. When trying to recall a certain event of a book, that’s when you go back to previous pages and try to refresh your memory on what happened. Again, there’s no point in changing things because it has already happened. The only thing that would make you want to go back is to refresh your memory but you can’t do anything besides that. Now why can’t anyone change things? The time traveller says it has something to do with free will. Maybe that’s right, I don’t know. A good example would be the grandfather paradox wherein “a man traveled back in time and killed his biological grandfather before the latter met the traveler's grandmother. As a result, one of the traveler's parents (and by extension the traveller himself) would never have been conceived. This would imply that he could not have travelled back in time after all, which in turn implies the grandfather would still be alive, and the traveller would have been conceived allowing him to travel back in time and kill his grandfather” according to Wikipedia. If you’ve read Rant by Chuck Palahniuk (which is another good read), this case would be explained pretty well. I don’t really want to explain time travel affects free will because it will come entirely from The Time Traveler’s Wife, and I want this entry to be my own thoughts about it but I guess it’s too late. So you better buy the book and read it before the movie comes out okay?

The old adage: Future is not set on stone, if you think about it, it only applies if time travelling and changing things beforehand were possible.
You’re in the present and you do something about that to make your future. Once your future is done, that’s the past, you cannot undo that.
Everything’s been all planned out beforehand, it isn’t random, everything’s done already, it’s already there just waiting for it to happen. If you can time travel, the only place and time you can travel is your own memory and your own future. I don’t know if that makes any sense because it’s a bit contradicting. That’s my take on fate and time travelling although I don’t pretty much believe anything I say. Hehe As to the book, *sigh* it’s really a good book. It makes you want to believe in soulmates all over again. It’s a bit long and the letters are so small that it’s taking me hours just to finish a chapter (blame it on my low eye span) but it’s good and poignant. At first I was trying so hard to look for flaws of the storyline, because the time traveller goes back and forth in time and there are many dates presented, but I couldn’t find any which means the author has given much thought about the story. There are few French sentences so get those French-English dictionaries put to good use. It’d be nice if one could time travel… or not. Guess you just have to put up with my caprices.

I’m not one to give reviews. I’m none the wiser about these stuff. Let’s leave it to the professionals. All I can say is that you have to read it.

Well so much for books, I only made a point about time travelling.

Well that’s my opinion, what’s yours?

Along the Lines of December

2009-06-25T20:38:00.001+08:00

Author’s note:
I’m trying to write this without sounding neither contrite nor because I was asked to. I know I’m writing this because I wanted to write it. I have no idea if I’ll be giving Hannah justice by writing this but I am writing what I have to write and want to write. Last night, I cried myself to sleep thinking of her as I listen to sappy songs on my iPod. Oh, and I won’t allow ‘Mom’s pet dog, pampered’ as the title. It lacks flavour. SORRY! And some cheesy poem down there, bit of a hurry so please forgive the poem’s lack of creativity.

It’s not everyday you get the chance to love and appreciate a dog.

Maybe, she’s not even a dog if you look at the way we treated her. She was far more than just a dog. She was almost human but not entirely human. There is a fine line between a dog and being a human but I’m sure just as I’m sure the sun rises every morning that she was treated humanely. She was lucky to have us.

A year after our dog Rex died, our father bought two Shih-Tzus as gifts for mom. I wasn’t able to get to know Hannah (and Alex) better since I was staying in Manila for the whole two years she was with us. I get to see her every week; it was easy to love her. She was adorable and sweet and she liked being with people. She was petted in every way possible but not to the point she was spoiled. I guess you could say she’s our little sister; and like most families, the youngest was the most adored and best taken care of. She was that and also to every other dog.

Well I won’t list down what she was like and the memories we all had with her for the past two years. Just to make things easier for us, I'll make the long story short; she got sick and acquired CDV or canine distemper virus. Google it. She had vaccines for it, even booster shots but I guess she had a weak immune system. As a result, she got weak within days and was confined twice. The doctors had to put an IV on her (something I was mostly fascinated with). It was very hard to look at her; you could tell she was suffering. She lost weight in a few days; you could feel every bone in her body. With my mom out of country for a month, the dogs got depressed and Hannah felt weaker with each day that passed by. So eventually mom got worried and had to come home a day earlier. I hear you guys ask what difference does a day make?

A lot actually.

I still remember that day she got up to greet mom when she arrived. It was a Wednesday. She was lying on her back looking comfortable and wanting to be petted on her tummy. She suddenly got up, her ears moving carefully trying to sense the air when she heard the screen door close loudly. She walked with a fast pace towards the dining room where the screen door was opening and closing to let dad in; she was wagging her tail. It was a bittersweet sight. It was sweet because I know she was happy to see everyone hugging her; bitter and painful because I know she was really trying even with her emaciated figure just to see them. Mom bought gifts for her and I think she liked them; cute dress, chew toys, treats and a soft dog bed. I felt her feeling well that day and prayed for her to get well. She was also looking a bit better the next day. She was eating and she even visited her pups c/o mom.

That Thursday was the beginning and the end. She has said her goodbyes to everyone without us even noticing it. Midnight of Friday, I was watching TV amidst the silence that donned the evening. Just before the first wee hour, I felt the need to munch on something and found the jar of Stik-O sitting idly on my things. I grabbed one and put it inside my mouth just before my door burst open. Dad was on the doorway with his towel draped below him and asked me “Asan na si Hannah?” (Where is Hannah?), I shrugged puzzled by his question. He closed the door behind him. I asked myself why he would ask me that when he perfectly knew that she’s in KC’s room. Confused, I got up and hurriedly ate what was left of the Stik-O to look where Hannah might be.

Opening my door that moment was something I might never forget. The house was still and quiet, the door to my parents’ room just across mine was left open. There was no one inside. KT’s room just beside mine was also open; she wasn’t there either, just her laptop wheezing silently on her bed. I looked around and they weren’t anywhere. Alex was there lying, or maybe sleeping on the floor. There was only one room I’ve never checked and that was KC’s room beside KT’s room. I stopped dead on my tracks realizing the mistake I made when dad came in my room. He wasn’t asking me where Hannah was, he was telling me something. I looked at the closed door of my sister; it made sense. I dreaded opening the door but I knew I had to. I slowly opened the door just in case Hannah was sleeping, but realized there was no need when I saw what I feared dad told me. Right there on KC’s bed, everyone was sitting. My sisters and my mom were crying around Hannah who was lying on her new dog bed. There was no labored breathing coming from her. I walked to her side and wondered if everyone witnessed how she died and if anyone had thought about calling me or even realizing where I was when they were all there as she died. It kinda stung but I pushed that aside because there were more important things than me. There was Hannah, lying lifeless on her bed, still warm and her eyes open showing an endless pit of nothing. While I sat there I remembered Death Cab for Cutie’s song What Sarah Said and felt hairs on my nape stood up. My mind was warring whether to cry or not. I decided not to and held up as much tears as I could possibly hold. She’s gone and I had to muster up the courage to move on. We all have to. We buried her that morning and everyone’s attention is now on Alex. Alex might be wondering where all the attention came from. He’s getting pretty much of it.

If mom came home on her original flight she might never see Hannah again. I’m sure Hannah is happy to see her; she waited long enough just to jump and wag her tail at her. Now, she’s resting peacefully with Rex.

Hannah was a dog to some people but she was someone more than that to us. She was given all the love we could offer and she had done the same to us. She gave us two cute pups and memories that we’ll play on our heads as we think of her. I’m positively sure just as I’m sure the sun goes down every evening that she’ll be in our hearts every day (along with Rex). We were lucky to have her.

It’s not everyday you get the chance to love and appreciate someone.

DECEMBERS
Let’s not forget those days in December,
When we were living different lives.
That’s when I met you, I still remember
How you changed most our lives.

Maybe if we can slow down time,
Then more days to you we’ll show.
Maybe it would still be fine,
If you didn’t have to go.

Let’s not dwell on things that end,
But rather on beginnings.
Where our endless love to you we send,
And show you the greatest things.

Fireworks, gifts, a sit by the fireplace,
A sip of coffee as we remember your face.
Mondays, Fridays or any other day,
I’d sacrifice time just to see you play.

Let’s try to remember those days in December,
When I hear your heart beating wildly,
When we’re naïve to believe we’ll have you forever,
When you were quiet and sitting idly.

So as the fleeting light from the candle draws to a close,
And petals from flowers turn brown and wilt,
And as you lie beneath the stars,
Decembers are mysteries no one but us knows.

*by sugarcanes_weathervanes
**karlalauren

WHAT SARAH SAID by Death Cab for Cutie

And it came to me then
That every plan,
Is a tiny prayer to father time

As I stared at my shoes
In the ICU
That reeked of piss and 409

And I rationed my breaths
As I said to myself
That I'd already taken too much today

As each decending peak
On the LCD
Took you a little farther away from me
Away from me

Amongst the vending machines
And year old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye

It sung like a violent wind
That our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our minds

And I knew that you were truth
I would rather lose
Than to have never lain beside at all

And I looked around
At all the eyes on the ground
As the TV entertained itself

Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous paces bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round
And everyone lifts their head
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said

That love is watching someone die

So who's gonna watch you die?

Srsly, It's Independence Day

2009-06-17T23:02:00.000+08:00

Remind me never to eat chocolates right after brushing teeth.

Last Friday I ~~went to see the outside world and wondered what it was like not living under a rock and see the world in rose-tinted glasses~~ was about to go to UST but then decided not to because it was Independence day and there’s no office but then changed my mind because I was to meet my friends at Shang. It was the French Film Festival that week but since it was Independence Day, they were showing short Filipino indie films. Since it was free and it was interesting, we went out and see four films, each were 15-minutes long. “Andong” was a crowd favourite. So everything was free that day even the MRT and LRT lines had free passes. Blame it all because of Independence Day. Everything’s because of Independence Day. Why is the sky blue? Because of Independence Day. Seriously, I was blaming Independence Day for everything that was happening that day.

Saturday, Kuya Mandy ran over a dog while driving on a winding road on the way to Nueva Vizcaya. I just couldn’t get my mind off of that staring dog that night. I closed my eyes right before it got hit and I felt it under the car. Seriously, I thought my butt hole was closing up.

Sunday, went to see dad’s 105 year old grandma. Went to witness a couple’s 50th anniversary. Went to see other relatives that quite frankly I couldn’t what their names are. Seriously, am I going to live that long?

Today, mom got home from Canada (eh?). Chocolates, make-ups, lingerie, blouses and stuff. It’s good to see her back and well; sorta she’s got colds as we speak ~~(OMG SWINE FLU)~~. It felt as though she was never really away. Seriously, it's distemper virus.

This MIGHT be my last post in a few months. I’ve gotta start with all the studying ~~because it’s Independence Day~~ for the board exams. Unless you guys want me to vent and see a different side of this lunatic writer, I’d gladly exude all cruelty from my air-filled head down to the keys of the keyboard all for you. And of course all these because of Independence Day. SERIOUSLY!

be sure you want to read this,, this contains something you would might not want to read

2006-08-08T20:55:00.000+08:00

everyone has their own good and bad side right? so is it alright if i just abuse this privilege of being bad? and just hate a person for this time being? well, maybe not hate nor despise but maybe i'll just release some of my negative emotions.. and just let loose..

a lot of people think i'm nice and all that.. but of course in my very own point of view and in the almost-eighteen-years i am alive, i think i'd be able to tell whether i'm really nice or not.. to tell you honestly i'm not nice.. not a single drop of "niceness" is in me, if there's such a term..

so i've been lying to everyone that i'm a nice person.. i commit things that would demean others or do things that everyone would oppose to.. i'm a lass living with uncertainties in life and not having much to live upon.. maybe i'm just influenced by religion that's why everyone discerns that i am good... or in most times nice..

so i've come to terms with this certain person or persons... actually, i know two of them for almost two years and the other one.. i've been living with for almost 18 years of my sad life.. this post is actually about the person i've known for 18 years.. she's my sister.. but since i've already mentioned the other two. might as well tell something about them..

you'll discover from this point on that i am not a good person and that i deserve to be in hell but please.. i don't want to go to hell and i don't want to be that person you'd hate for the rest of your lives.. i just want to show you that not all people you know despite your close relations are what you think they are..

you think you know them because you're close to them but the horrfying truth to this is that you really don't know them... and that's a disadvantage of course.. i hope i'm still making sense to you.. anyway..

let's get started with the story..

i love my sister.. i really do.. generally, everone loves their siblings right? but you know i'm a really moody person a hot-tempered one at that.. i usually get irritated when someone annoys me.. it's very hard for me to keep up with everyone's attitudes you know!

so anyway... before you ask me why i'm irritated or things that would bother you about these statement.. let me share you a story that happens to me a lot of times..

whenever someone is sharing a gossip or just something interesting and she tells it to all of us. i tend not to listen and continue on daydreaming or thinking about other stuff or continue watching tv.. or just continue on doing what i am doing.. so after they all finished sharing stories.. they'd laugh or ask a lot of other details concerning the story... just reactions to the story that was shared.. and then that's when my attention would fall onto them.. i'd ask "what happened? repeat the story... or who was it that done what?" and whatever stupid questions you can think of.. it would be really obvious to the speaker that i'm not listening and they'd either repeat or be irritated.. don't get me wrong though.. i listen when they're directly talking to me or if i'm already indulged to the story they're telling... so, as to continue with my story. my sister would always tell me.. "karla! please listen... or karla.. what's wrong with you... or karla, ang kulit mo!" and the like... that would also irritate me....

so now... this sister of mine loves to ask annoying questions.. and sometimes even personal questions... if there's one thing i hate (even though there are lots of things i hate) it's prying into my personal life.. cause that's mine... and it's very awkward to be answering personal questions cause these are sometimes secrets or something that no one should be asking.. and sometimes asking questions that are VERY EASY to answer annoys me.. i don't know why..... it's just plain common sense for these questions.. see i told you.. very demeaning to others... i'm not smart but these are really easy questions that anyone can answer.. it annoys me...

i shouldn't be really saying she's my sister cause she doesn't want to expose her "PRIVATE" life to everyone.. so just pretend she's not my sister.. okies?

so there.. i'm really trying to put up with her attitude... she's a very sweet person but too much sweetness might attract ants... and that's bad.. she asks a lot of questions and i don't want questions, if you hate me for asking too many questions, then i don't like it too when you ask a lot of questions. she looks for things using her mouth.. not literally. and she asks without even trying for herself first.. you learn from your mistakes ok... and she's very insensitive.. she doesn't even notice that i don't want to talk about a certain something... she already knows that i'm answering her questions less and without enthusiasm by which it means it's awkward for me and i don't want further questions to be asked... waaah! i'm so mean.... just nasty!

i'm really trying to be nice and all, trying my very best to keep my composure, uurgh! but i just can't.. it's hard.. why of all people should i be feeling this way? she told me that i'm a very patient girl but whenever it's about her i am not? i lack respect... that's so sad.. but why, whenever i'm with my other sister, the one they usually refer to as my TWIN , i can talk and be myself whenever i want to, i'm not irritated with the things she does.. and i'm starting BE like her.. in a good and bad way... but why not with my older sister?

maybe it's because of BACKSTABBING. yes.. i think that's the answer... i have this tendency to hate more a person whenever someone talks bad about them..
to my sister, i'm sorry.. and i hope i'd be able to bring our relationship to a deeper one...

in relation to BACKSTABBING, this is where the other two people comes into view.... let's start with the first person........... naaaah!!! i don't want to talk about her....

so anyway, let's just start with this other person..

she's really nice... but she can be a big baby sometimes and when i say big baby, i mean to say a BRAT! yes... i'm sorry...

she started out as a good friend, she continued being a good friend, she still is a good friend but with a lot of flaws. i really don't want to do this but since i'm already typing this then maybe a part of me really wants to..

you guys may have experienced something like this with a close friend.. you know.. you may have a big fight because she or he is so..... uhmm.... bossy... for lack of a better term i have no choice.. sorry to hurt anyone's feelings...

i've been a good friend to her but i guess i'm not really that a ""GOOD"" friend if i'm talking behind her back right? but you know what i mean.. whenever i'm around her i'm always nice and i keep my cool.. well, most of the time i guess. cause she also gets into my nerves since she has this commanding aura.. and i hate that... so much... she wants to do everything her way and only her way... in an exaggerated form, i mean to say she wants everything planned in her way.. no one should suggest anything else.. no one should question her.. no one, and i say NO ONE is to blame her if in any case her plan didn't work.. and i told you, it's in an exaggerated form...

she pushes people out of her way without saying the "magic word" whenever she's busy doing "something" (something in this case means something important). and i mean that literally... she pushes people... it's something like "out of my way! i'm busy!" that kind of way.. as i told you she wants everything done her way... she has to finish whatever it is she's doing.. well, she's not pushing TOO hard.. just hard enough for you to feel that you're being pushed aside.... that kind of push.. and she says things that would really annoy me... still because of the same reason... bossiness... she wouldn't let anybody try things.. she wants to go first.. she wants to try it for herself..... aaaaarrrrggghh!!!!!!! CRUELTY SEEPS UNTO MY BLOOD.

so whatever i do to make it seem like i'm nice, it would always show that i am not... even though i do things out of my best intentions... but maybe not this one.

my sister praises me a lot... and she hates me a lot.... how ironic... my friend whom i share my secrets with is the one i don't want to share secrets with.... does that make any sense? i hope it does..

my friends talks about my friend too... cause she's also their friend. hence, i tend to hate her more... sad truth.... shocked by my revelations? don't be.... it's the truth fo humanity.. the truth of this world....

we can't trust anybody anymore... sometimes not even yourself... despite the closeness you feel with each other... you don't know half their being. you don't really know what you think you know...... there's a story behind a story of every story... the world becomes small with every passing minute but that does not mean that everybody else or everything else is geting closer.....

MAYBE we don't really know one another...

haaay....

2006-07-30T21:58:00.000+08:00

so little time..........
till next time.......
what time?
two time.....
too much time....
extra time.....
MY time...

at my tempest

2006-07-21T18:46:00.000+08:00

so.. i have not been able to update recently because I've been using my Friendster blog.. i don't know why though, I mean I don't really like my blog there but.. oh well.

so. week end's here. our exams for the week has finally passed. time to get ready for something more tremendous, something more challenging, the inevitable CHEMISTRY..... (thunders...)

it's looming... four days left... hope i'd be able to study and pass.. so far our exams has been very easy... yeah! i cringe to the fact that time flies so fast... it was for me a very fast time lapse. well, good news for me.. i'm now REALLY a college student.. all the experiences i had when i was in first year was all gone.. i can now cope with everything. before i hated college but now i'm getting used to it.. i'm preparing myself for third year i hope i pass sophomore stage. freshmen days are putrid for me... it's all rotten.. anyway.. i'm sad because of the fact that my favorite anime show finished last wednesday.. bye bye edward..... my noghts wouldn't be complete with this show.. it has been my favorite since fushigi yuugi.. fy's become bland... i don't like it anymore.. unlike before i used to like the mushy stuff they always show but now i grew tired of it...

life is still tedious as always... my euphoria has now gone.. i'm looking for a new one.. i have to feel that happiness again.. eternal bliss.. anyway.. just here to share something.. nothing to do really.....

the great battle finally came
her head wasn't still in sane..
rise!
you are here my beloved.

come now my murderous child
set yourself free and be wild
crave!
you are now at the present

she shivers in pain and sore
she's become impassive and yet she wants more
awake!
for your defeat is near

you are safe in your commitment
you've chosen this, don't repent
cry!
you have lost

death comes with its scythe to take you
shallow mind is now safe within the mildews
pray!
you have been saved...

a homunculi inside me

2006-07-14T23:02:00.000+08:00

so far, i'm making a fool of myself.... at times i thought that it would be really nice if i have friends, and if my friends were really having fun when they're with me.. but as i continue on doing things that would make them comfortable or would make them laugh, i felt and deeply realized that i wasn't really happy.... i was literally making a fool of myself.... but i can't help it... i felt that i was just a page from a good book that entertains a reader. i have imitated, created, and lead a life that wasn't mine and had the perception that everything happens cause they have reasons. i wonder if i still believe in that crap...... maybe.. maybe not.... what would become of me? when would this grand narrative of mine end.. would it really end.. i hope it would end... end.... end in misery..... like i always do with myself..... they have in their minds the perception that i am nothing but a soulless being, breathing in a corner, half human half dead.. so to speak.... a homunculi... a human with insidious thoughts, a corpse full of vehemence...... living a life tediously, doing the same things every single day..... cynicist of its own..... call me cynical for all i care.... in the end, you'll all realize how little i care... people connive just so they could talk of me... envious.. envious... truly.... i end this letter/narrative with nothing else to say.........
NOTHING ELSE TO SAY.......

AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 5

2006-05-25T12:03:00.000+08:00

at last! SOUL PATROL has got it going on...

he'd never been in the bottom 3 and he deserves to be the american idol... that's cool..

can't wait for his album..

i wish elliott yamin has would also release an album...

i HATE katherine.. sorry....

THE DA VINCI CRAP

2006-05-25T11:51:00.000+08:00

now showing:

THE DA VINCI CODE

and a lot of people hate it... well.. for me [i haven't seen the movie], i think that people's opinions should be respected.. most of them think that this movie might change the beliefs of people but that will only happen if you have poor faith and will to believe the truth about God or Jesus for that matter... i've read the book and it's a good suspense book.. for me my faith or beliefs have not wavered even for the slightest bit.. let's get the facts straigh shall we?!

well, for me 2 facts will do..

1. Mary Magdalene is not or WAS not sitting beside Jesus... it was John the beloved.. John was the quiet type and the calm one, so he was depicted as Mary Magdalene... he was mistaken as her.. and the color of the clothes they wore blue and red... that is because Jesus treated John as His brother.. they were very close....
2. Leonardo da Vinci is not gay... he's just isn't... okay?! and Leonardo isn't even called "da Vinci"
so there..

i know you're not satisfied, but if you really believe this Dan Brown.. then let me tell you something....

IN WHAT SECTION OF THE BOOKSTORE OR THE LIBRARY WOULD YOU FIND DAN BROWN'S WORKS?

answer: fiction section

the sensitive side of me

2006-04-28T17:35:00.000+08:00

2 weeks ago, i met a guy that i thought was simply a friend.. 2 weeks after, i've fallen for him. i thought he was only an ordinary guy, a funny guy and someone simple, and just to find out that he's been loving someone else just makes my heart crack. at least i've found out sooner or else i would be frustrated all over again.. and as he spoke words of wisdom to me, he didn't know it was him i was talking about. he didn't know i spoke of him, that it was him i'm in love and it's him i'm having problems about. he spoke as if he knew, he spoke as if it was really him. he spoke as if it came from his own soul and heart. he spoke as if he rejected me. he advised me to just care for that person.. and that i shall do.

i thought people around me are all the same.. the jolly good and carefree life.. but i was wrong. we're all the same.. having issues and problems that life just isn't immuned yet to. as we laugh and talk every morning, there were sides of these people i never knew existed. they're very sensitive and ther really have problems to deal with on their own. i thought it was only i who knew problems existed. with those smiling faces i greet every morning, sadness and lonliness is just as equal to that. these people along side with me are just those who need someone to talk to, someone who could listen to our burdens. i'll never see people the same way again. and being as complacent as we are, we don't expect life to be much perfect since every day of our lives are filled with hidden torture and secrecy. we're satisfied with any thing.. that's me.. and that's you.

being me is hard as well as me being you. and i guess that even though i never really had a relationship before.. it will come in God's time... i should be happy that at least i can spend two hours in five days a week with him. i'm quite sure that our friendship is pure and true. i'll wait if i can, and i know it will come.

what a miracle...

2006-04-26T23:44:00.000+08:00

yes.. it's been a very long time since i last updated since i don't really have nothing sensible to say... anyway.. i'm taking trigonometry and volleyballPE class this summer... to start off...

VOLLEYBALL.. it's quite hard at first, but really fun especially when you've got a great team to support you and your instructor are getting along well.. you get to meet new friends from different walks of life or let's just say, different colleges..... and the best reason why it's fun cause you get to meet people who you can go ga-ga over... like chris for example.... damn!

and in this PE class i have now been officially introduced to Lorenz, my co-member in Mediartrix. i first saw him in their broadway musicale of Les mis.. man, his voice is really soothing.. a guy with a nice sense of humor.. we're good friends now, he's out team captain and made a man out of us.. hehe... little did he know, i've got a little crush on him......

going to other subjuects... MATH.. yes, i've continuously told you guys and posted here that i hate math.....

well, we had our first long exam yesterday for trigonometry and it was a 35 item exam.. guess what i've got? here's a clue 35< [score] >29... i'm very happy and proud at myself cause i've done a great job studying and feeling smart... cause at least i got a high score.. i should have been 3 points higher but i didn't follow my instincts... that's just the first part of math.. i still have monthly exams tomorrow and the next lessons might be harder....

see yah bloggers!!!

2006-04-15T10:42:00.000+08:00

i have a hard time thinking clearly these past few weeks... have no idea what to post... there was this cute guy i met at stickam, his name is craig and he's 16, and he lives in canada.. well, nothin much....

2006-04-04T20:16:00.000+08:00

i'm slowly fading away. in two years time i'm gonna be dead...

today, i went to the hospital to check on something i call "chest pain"
they said i have a heart failure and i need an operation.....

they said i'm gonna die..

i'm not worried. i feel great...

bye guys

well, isn't this queer?

2006-02-27T07:57:00.000+08:00

damn! it's quarter to 8, i'm still sleepy but i just have to tell what i feel right now.. everyhting's just weird these days and i hope it wouldn't get any weirder, cause it's getting scarier by the minute...

students in metro manila rejoice as the Commission on Higher Education and the Department of Education announced that classes will be suspended today but only in metro manila, college students rejoice louder since they have no classes since last friday and i'm one of them. While the whole country is suffering from poverty and now having a coup d'etat. What could be worse than this?

something more, i don't want to believe in the supernatural and i think that everything is just a coincidence but this just gave me goosebumps: thirteen days after rejoicing for pacman's win over morales, the stampede at ultra happened and thirteen days after that the landslide at leyte occurred, the country is suffering from nature's wrath and we greatly contribute to its tragedy. What would happen on march 2 this year? i hope nothing bad would happen.

as the earth quavers for destruction to happen will it still quaver for peace and solitude?

hang over....

2006-02-15T09:41:00.000+08:00

so... valentine's day is through... another ordinary day for me... or so i thought... then why do i stilll want to see that guy? and even requested somebody to serenade him? darn... after all those weeks of hiding and telling myself i shant see him... and yet after those successful contemplations i'm still wishing to see him on valentine's day.... and here i was thinking that valentines' day is not in my vocabulary.. it still shows.... f*ck!

alexander frederick eugenio locsin... you're a graduating student and i can't be with you... you're a guy whom i can't have.. i like you and it will never go beyond that... i've set a border line.... you're a fantasy... thank you.....

yeah right!!!

2006-02-08T20:49:00.000+08:00

You Should Get a MFA (Masters of Fine Arts)

You're a blooming artistic talent, even if you aren't quite convinced.You'd make an incredible artist, photographer, or film maker.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

2006-02-08T20:30:00.000+08:00

hmp! kainis talaga ako.. di ko malaman laman ang gagawin ko sa buhay ko... bakit nga ba ako malungkot? paang may kulang.... parang napakalaki...

parang meron akong na miss na gawin or something na dapat ko nang gawin before it's too late...
parang merong nagpapahirap sa buhay ko... oo alam ko isa na ang algebra dun pero may mas matindi pa dun...

aaarggh!!!

para talagang hindi ako dapat nandito sa lugar ko ngayon... haay..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i think i'm scared of something i don't know

guys!!! please tag kau sa photoblog ko...

2006-01-30T22:37:00.000+08:00

http://www.buhay-litrato.blogspot.com

mga pics lang ng 1c-mt yan....

welcome to my misery

2006-01-28T01:15:00.000+08:00

pasagot naman o:

gising na ba ung kumanta nung wake me up when septmeber ends? january na kasi e....

>>>>>text sakin yan..pinaikli ko lang...

bakit ganon? bakit parang pakiramdam ko, mali lahat ng ginagawa ko.... pakiramdam ko, hindi ko dapat kasama yung mga kasama ko ngaun... naalala ko tuloy yung spiderman 2

"maybe he keeps falling down because he wasn't meant to be spiderman"

anyway, pakisagot nga to:

kailangan ko pa bang mabuhay???

kung hindi ang sagot mo.. ok lang.. don't worry, di naman ako magpapakamatay e

nga pala.. plug muna ako...

http://www.buhay-litrato.blogspot.com

bye..

2006-01-18T22:11:00.000+08:00

kung sino pa ung gustong magpapicture siya pa yung wala.. ako yun..^_^
Posted by Picasa

NARNIA ADDICT

2006-01-17T09:56:00.000+08:00

i'm a miser..... that's the truth, that's who i am

saw the movie 'chronicles of narnia: the lion, the witch and the wardrobe' yesterday morning...

find it funny especially with lucy and mr. thomnas [pronounce both names with british accent]

something interesting

edmund-someone i know and sorta fell in love with during my highschool days.. but it's edmond though

peter-played by william mosely, i've seen him somewhere. i know it

jadis-yes, there's a jadis in the movie,, FUNNY!!!! whatta coincidence... was jadis the guy with a raspy voice? anyway to 'jaedis' whatever happened to them.....

yhep!!! have a new blog... buhay-litrato.blogspot.com

FOR TRANQUILITY'S SAKE

2006-01-11T19:18:00.000+08:00

be bo be bo be, be bo be bo be, be bo be bo be
ikaw ay ang aking be bo be bo be be bo be bo be

another case of LSS,, anyway...

LET'S GET IT STARTED

this must be the first time i put something that has a lot of sense to it. as you can see, the title is 'for tranquility's sake' it is because i'm in a very tranquil moment, and you know how it is when you're in deep thought especially if your environment is solitary, very calm and peaceful.. well maybe except when you hear the screeching tires of the tricycle coming to a halt. and with these moment i come up with the most lazy ideas to put here in my blog..

HERE GOES NOTHING..

have you ever felt like you're doing the same thing everyday? and you are starting to feel less and less human? and like you're starting to be disappointed with what you are doing cause it's always the same thing and because of these predicament you just don't want to wake up the next time you sleep and curse the world as it is?

i myself have felt those times and these days are a part of those times. i've always felt that i'm a failure and that i think i don't do anything right. but there are some cases that i'm too happy and i just forget about my complains and wish that these happy memories would just repeat itself lest i'm living over and over again and nothing will surely happen to my life.

i've got my friends and outside the barrier of my 'peers' there are other people, people i know but don't know any single thing about them. aside from my friends' abnormalities [in a good way] there are the stupendous freaks that surround you almost everyday, these include the weirdos, the book-worms, the brainiacs, and just people you MIGHT normally meet everyday if you're lucky. people who get irritated when they're pressured, those high-and-mighty princes and princesses, and of course how could we forget the conniving backstabbers that doesn't ever tune out of our so-called social life.

may i also include those people who doesn't stop bragging, complaining, and irritating people who doesn't just give up asking non-sensible questions. thankyouverymuch!!!!! don't get me wrong though. i am an imperfect being with lots of imperfections. as i have said awhile ago, i feel like a failure. but i'm just saying.

and excuse-me? this is my blog. my stuff. my points-of-view. so piss off! you better include me to those group of people who all they ever care about is their life. [the heat is rising...]
before i produce the next genocide, let me calm myself first by saying that i'm nothing more but a normal, imperfect, selfish lass who might depict and epitomize a perfect example of a stubborn, procrastinating child.. that didn't even make me even less calm.. oh well

what is this? PMS??? aaaaaarrrrgggh!!!

i'm an enigma to myself. i don't know why and how i'm here in this fast-paced, unchanging world. i don't really know who i am. i'm lost. i can't figure out why i have to be a part of a society that doesn't seem to see who i really am. i have felt nothing.. I.AM.NUMB. [Gloria-ish?]

i have to keep my pace to comply with everyone's needs and to be able to join them with equal speed with them. i'm different, and in that case so are you.

the future really does continue forever and the present moves fast into the past.

people never cease to ask something about me and i don't even find myself interesting. i want to be different. i want to do something that would change people's doubts into hopes, i want to make a difference albeit the hard life that we're all conjuring.

my inborn ability of LITTLE phtographic memory doesn't even do me good. it only selects things that i have less and sometimes interest in and those things aren't even useful; though the gift is useful.

let me end this protest with me saying :

do learn nothing from me cause if you do, nothing will happen with your life. listen to me but don't share with me the same situation that i have that you might be having. go on with life cause if you don't you'll never get to taste.... SHERBET LEMON!

I hope this post have sense in it... thanks for reading

I'M EVIL! THANK YOU!

my horcrux

2006-01-03T21:28:00.000+08:00

would it be fun if i kill someone then separate a part of my soul to an important object so i'll be immortal? what a scary thought.. i wonder who i'm gonna kill...

disdainful soul of mine

2006-01-02T23:20:00.000+08:00

blasting my way to new year...

i'm still an impassive bitch...

yey!!

read 4 books in just 2 weeks

not enough..

i'm completely ignoring everyone's admonition..

2 days to go and i think i'll have to do myself in.. lol

year of the dog.. and rex has missed it..

still feeling the wrath and enmity of jeadis

i'll look upon you with contempt and imperious eyes

bless our soul

i'll have been sucken to an abyss and nothingness will have engulfed me

forgive me

future is not bright! you started it, we'll finish it

pyscho's observation

2005-12-30T14:56:00.000+08:00

well, since i haven't been here for a long time,, i think i don't want to continue that post anymore... i grew tired of it..
Ha! i always get tired of things one way or another.

anyway.. 2 days to go.... it's new year's day.. and here i am, already having the time of my life with my family...
should old aquaintance be forgot......... old lang syne...sorry dunno the lyrics...

anyway,, about that observation.. i've observed a lot of things lately.... i can't resist watching otogi zoshi even if it ends exactly at 3:00 in the morning when the devils are awake and i'm as hell scared of that...

my cousin's sent my sister a letter and we almost died laughing.. she's so mad, while we just give everything a laugh... anyway, the future's not bright for the both of them..

i'm still scared as hell when i wake up in the wee hours of the morning and look at my clock and it's exactly 3:00 am... still imagine the devil will hold me with his clammy hands whilst my eyes are shut tight or when i open my eyes his face is just an inch away from mine... and i still imagine that god-knows-what devil i saw when i was little....

enough of those...

finally! after 3 weeks of having in my possession the 6th installment of harry potter.. i'm done reading!!!

all i can say... not to be read by children below 12 years of age.. too censored... lots of kissing... can't even imagine the actors doing that.. especially ginny nor ron...

for those who haven't read the book but have had some speculations about the book like for example severus snape is helping harry... that is totally true! except in a very different way...

and someone's died... too precious to die... sigh... poor OMNISCENT WISE OLD MAN... he's dead.. poor poor albus percival wulfric brian dumbledore is dead.. but you hadn't read it from me of course!!! nyenyenyehe!!!!

i cried... well aside from sirius black, his parents and cedric diggory that must have been the lowest point of the whole story.. joanne rowling's a murderer.. she killed a fictitious character.. nyahaha.. anyway.. that's it for now...

look at him... he's an angel.....

EVIL.... all of them except dan

la magawa

2005-12-15T16:38:00.000+08:00

pansin ko lahat na lang ng pinost ko.. puro kanta.. anyway.. bakit ba???

naiinis na naman ako sa harry potter.. last week kasi.. i scanned the 4th book and i realized na ang dami pala talagang wala dun at talagang mali.. as in mali lahat ng ginawa nila! grrrr!!! hindi nila alam na lahat ng tinaggal nila ay significant for the next films.. and ung mga binago rin nila ay hindi tama!!!! aaarrrggh!!!!!

a psycho's observation part 1

2005-12-13T09:59:00.000+08:00

yesterday, our driver got back from his job and his usual - God forgive me - STUPIDITY
but i'm not saying i'm intelligent... i'm also stupid MOST of the time... nyahaha

but since my class is not until 1 in the afternoon, i'll have to suffer another day with pollution.. yes, i'll have to commute again.. i woke up at around 8 feeling dazed and finally sat up straight at around 8:20... but lay again on my bed since it was too early.. i managed to get a hold of my botany book since we have a quiz this afternoon.. so there i was, holding my book not even a hint of opening it.. then it hit it me.. it hit me so hard! why bother read botany? i spent almost 5 hours studying the night before and what would i get in the quiz? maybe another failing mark.... so i dropped the book hard on the floor and picked up my copy of the HALF-BLOOD PRINCE
YEP! i have my own copy now.. i have waited for 5 months just to have that book.. and now i have one... muwahahahaha!!!
anyway,, it was a gift for my 17th birthday... so anyway.. i read one chapter and i finished around 9:30.. i got up and fixed my bed and got ready for a SHORT day ahead...

but what i'm gonna post is not about what i did before going to school... it was after....

i got inside this small, cheap-looking type of van.. there were only 6 - i think - people per row.. so the vehicle started moving..

since i wasn't in a hurry i start to observe the behavior of these people i'm with, and try to gues what kind of personality do they have...

Part of Your World

2005-12-13T09:37:00.000+08:00

Music: Alan MenkenLyrics: Howard Ashman
Reprise

What would I give
To live where you are?
What would I pay
To stay here beside you?
What would I do to see you
Smiling at me?

Where would we walk?
Where would we run?
If we could stay all day in the sun?
Just you and me
And I could be
Part of your world

I don't know when
I don't know how
But I know something's starting right now
Watch and you'll see
Some day I'll be
Part of your world

strawberry fields forever-john lennon/paul mcCartney

2005-12-10T10:07:00.001+08:00

Let me take you down
cause I'm going to strawberry fields
Nothing is real
and nothing to get hung about
Strawberry fields forever

Living is easy with eyes closed
Misunderstanding all you see
It's getting hard to be someone
but it all works out
It doesn't matter much to me

Let me take you down cause I'm going to strawberry fields
Nothing is real and
nothing to get hung about
Strawberry fields forever

No one I think is in my tree
I mean it must be high or low
That is you can't, you know,
tune in but it's all right
That is I think it's not too bad

Let me take you down
cause I'm going to strawberry fields
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about
Strawberry fields forever
Always know sometimes think it's me
But you know I know when it's a dream I
think I know I mean, ah yes
but it's all wrong that is I think
I disagree

Let me take you down
cause I'm going to strawberry fields
Nothing is real and
nothing to get hung about
Strawberry fields forever
Strawberry fields forever
strawberry fields forever

one of the nicest songs i've heard this week... the beatles are good!!!

GANITO MAGBIGAY NG MASAMANG BALITA

2005-12-09T13:12:00.000+08:00

KUMIRIRING ang telepono nang madaling araw....

"Hello, Master Carlos? Si Arnaldo po ito, 'yung katiwala niyo sa bahay-bakasyunan niyo."
"O, Mr. Arnaldo, ikaw pala. Ano't napatawag ka? May problema ba?
"Um, napatawag lang po ako para abisuhan kayo na namatay ang alaga niyong parrot."
"'Yung parrot kong si Pikoy, patay? 'Yung nanalo sa bird show?
"Opo, Master Carlos, 'yun na nga po."
"Putris ... sayang! Ang laki pa naman ng nagastos ko sa ibong 'yon. Hay, buhay! Teka, ano nga ba ang ikinamatay niya?"
"E, kumain po kasi ng bulok na karne...."
"Bulok na karne? At sino namang salbaheng tao ang nagpakain sa kanya ng bulok na karne?"
"W-Wala po. Nanginain po siya ng karne ng isang patay na kabayo."
"Patay na kabayo? Anong patay na kabayo, Mr Arnaldo?"
"E, 'yun pung mga thoroughbred horses niyo, Sir. Namatay po kasi lahat sila sa pagod, kahihila ng kariton ng tubig."
"Nasisiraan ka na ba ng bait? Anong kariton ng tubbbiiiiggggg?"
"'Yun pong pinampatay namin ng sunog."
"Diyos ko po! Anong sunog naman 'yang pinagsasasabi mo?"
"'Yun pong halos tumupok sa bahay niyo.... Tumumba po 'yung isang nakasinding kandila, tapos nagliyab 'yung kurtina at mabilis na kumalat ang apoy...."
"Ano? Puuut.... E, may kuryente naman diyan sa bahay-bakasyunan, a. Para saan 'yung kandila?"
"Para sa burol po."
"Ano? Kaninong burol?
"Sa nanay n'yo po, Sir. Bigla kasi siya dumating dito nu'ng isang gabi, walang kaabi-abiso. Lampas hatinggabi na. Akala ko po magnanakaw. Binaril ko."

waterloo nga ba? o sadyang katangahan???

2005-12-07T11:13:00.000+08:00

kamusta naman sa math!!!

what an interesting day.. i thought i'm not going back to my house ever again... after that looooonnnngg travel to UST (traffic sa punyetang baclaran!!!) i finally got off and got to my school i hour late... i was supposed to meet this important person to which we have to discuss an important matter...
A VERY IMPORTANT MATTER!

maybe this event would be one of those stories that i'll never-in my whole life- tell my parents as long as i'm studying.. only those people who can access this page are the ones who'll know what happened this morning or even the past few days of my life here in UST..

how stupid was i! i thought i'll forever be an irregular student... not unless i got debarred which would be so humiliating...

anyway... last semester, a few of my classmates including me got 5 for our math which means we flunked.. so this sem we had to take a petiition class in Algebra in which we failed and finally move on to Trigonometry.. classes started last november 19.. our petition class are on saturdays 8-11 am... we go toschool early just to finish this "math". on our second meeting i woke up at around 7:30 realinzing how late i was to go on.. i was so irritated that i slept again... on our 3rd meeting, we realized that we're the only ones left that haven't enrolled formaly.. we didn't really mind at all since we THOUGHT that we could still have our enrollment the following week. we were wrong! SO WRONG!

we panicked at the thought that we can't catch up with our block mates and even thought of shifting or transferring to another school. . we started to think of a lot of plans just to get us enrolled.. there was plan a, which was to plead... plan b, to ask help form mrs. buenaventura plan c : go to mrs. meer, plan d: just leave it and be an irregular student for the rest of our stay inUST and plan e: transfer school.

that monday morning i wasn't really nervous at all.. i was calm and even optimistic. the next morning we did plan a.. which failed obviously. the last day of enrollment ws on november 30 and it's already december 6.. no one int heir right minds would allow us to enroll.. i was still optimistic and even hated my classmate for being the opposite.. we did plan b. we asked helped.. mrs buenaventura asked us to write a letter for consideration and so we did.. we did two different letters, the first one was wrong and the second one was almost perfect.. we went to the sec.gen. which later told us to go to the registar's office and in return asked us to go to the dean's office.. so finnally we got to the deanb's office so that the dean herself would see the letter we did. unfortunately instead of the dean we were told to see someone else.. so we did.. the lady to which we've been sent to was irritated because of our irresponsibility. she's right anyways,, we're college students and we're supposed to be independent. she lectured us for what seemed like forever and asked us to see her the next day at 10am..

we were so nervous of what's going to happen..

the next day which is today. i woke up at 730 and left the house at 8am.. i assumed that i'll be at school exactly 10am but since there was a very heavy traffic at baclaran, i got toschool 1 hour after the said time. i was nervous becuase i'm so late.. good thing is, the lady wasn't there when my friends came to see her.. at 11:15 am we finally put up the courage to go to her office.. she was slightly busy and told us to wait outside..

ENOUGH OF THE VERY LONG STORY.... WHAT I'M REALLY TRYING TO SAY IS WE'RE ALREADY ENROLLED AND WE HAVE DONE IS ACTUALLY.. BARELY.. AN HONEST MISTAKE.. HOWKEY??

THAT'S REALLY IT.. thanks for your time reading my long and DUMB story.... sooo lame...

by the way... jennifer,, i thought you're going to send us a letter about your complaints? where the hell is it? still thinking of good statements and phrases that might leave us dumbfounded? yeah right!

i don't like her

2005-12-04T17:23:00.000+08:00

i don't like her cause people like her
are those that separates the normal world from her...

i don't like the look of her, i don't like her attitude, i don't like her.. and i believe she doesn't like me either..

alex texted me this morning and i wonder what's wrong with him, i know there is... maybe it's right if i shun him out of my life.. does he even know?

that quote came personally from him,, i wonder if it has anything to do with me or with....

keep on dreaming karla.. yeah right! as if...

trish told me a secret. what a relief!!!

i'm thinking of changing my template too.... somebody help...

tired of playing games with my own life..

it's EVIL...

2005-12-01T22:33:00.000+08:00

I am unwritten, can't read my mind,

I'm undefined I'm just beginning,

the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines

We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten

The rest is still unwritten Oh, yeah, yeah

hope she reads this

2005-12-01T10:07:00.000+08:00

to my cousin jenny.. i can't stand myself any longer... i want to ask you something... are you mad at us? do you really know what happened? i myself don't know why we're like this but i hope we could settle this.. i don't want us to fight... i'm not mad of anything

of movies and pets

2005-12-01T09:38:00.000+08:00

i've been thinking a lot about what i'm gonna do with my blog cause i find it boring... AGAIN.. i've been trying to update.. once more this blog of mine but i can't seem to get the right ideas slash things to say here.. i've thought of loads of things that would get the attention of someone but when i'm already in front of the computer. i'll suddenly have amnesia... what the ef-yu-si-key is wrong with me?

so yhep... i'm here in our school library.. trying to update me blog.. i happen to pass by this wonderful website and....... haha! i can't share it with you.. kasi.... wala lang...

anyway... i know someone in AB and she was my former classmate in 2nd and 3rd year in high school. anyway,, i don't know wht she's doing in friendster.. she looks 27 though... 10 years her real age.. she looks so mature and i don't think she looks like that in the FLESH.. oh well, i think that's what sex would do to you... hmmm....

i've seen the movie "the Exorcism of Emily Rose" it's wonderful... some might be disappointed with the flick cause they were expecting a horror movie.. but i realized that the movie is trying to convey a message.. it's all about God and the devil; it's for a realization that devils exist; it's about how Anellise Michel tried with all her strength to fight those demons possessing her. although the move only focused inside the court room and did less of the freaky stuff, i think they merely based everything that REALLY happened to the girl... unlike the previous movie "the exorcist" they really got the right story. it's kinda freaky though especially the part where the parish priest tried to ask the names of the demons that was inside her.. and there were 6, and lucifer was there.. the girl knew what was happening to her but it seems she has no control of her actions and that made me wonder.. do demons possess us when we feel great angst or when we're really angry about things and we do crazy stuff? you know.. like when we go balistic or when we really have no control of our actions that we simply do evil things? hmm...

harry potter is still the best... (where did that come from?!) grr.. my book 5 is still in the hands of my friend in high school. damn him!

still sad about my dog but i don't cry about it anymore...

whatever..

2005-11-27T15:51:00.000+08:00

things are really not happening the way we want them to happen, there's some kind force that's ontrolling what we want... we all know what that force is.. everything is wrong but when you reflect you'll finally realize that it's not wrong,, but it's so perfect.... that's just me... buzz off.....

go to http://members.thai.net/sinthai/thehouse.htm... ALONE ok????

goodluck!

in memory of rex: october25, 1995-november21, 2005

2005-11-23T22:59:00.000+08:00

i miss your cute face and soft hair, your overprotective attitude and your sweetness, your eagerness to get what you want and the way you wag your tail when i come home from a long day.. miss you rex.. 10 years wasn't bad, you've been loyal at that and you've served us well, you're a great friend, you'll always be remebered. i've been used to your presence, you've seen me grow. you were special and even upto this day, you still are. yesterday we came home at 9:30 and my dad ws calling you, at that point i tell you, i forgot that you're gone, i've only realized it when i never heard you run to him and your name tag ring when you do. i cried...

harry potter and the movie that was full of what?

2005-11-23T22:38:00.001+08:00

what the hell was that?! honestly i'd rather read the book over and over again than watch it... yes, the movie's wonderful with all those exaggerated special effects with the tasks.. but then again if you compare it to the book, it's a no-no... the fans would be disappointed.. rowling's novels were sabotaged four times.. how does she feel about it??

if you haven't read the book, then maybe you'd be happy about the movie.... that's just me...

one time i saw this magazine at NBS, and at the bottom part of that mag's front cover it said "find out here if daniel radcliffe has a girlfriend" i was curious about it and almost bought the book but changed my mind on the last minute cause i thought i bought lots of mags that has the same crap and it has nothing on the inside... then i saw something in the internet that said.. dan's got a gf.. i've heard loads of crap like that... but when you see a mag like that and an add like that in the internet in just one day then what could be the chances of that?!

now i'm dying to have my hands on that magazine as to see whether he really has a girlfried!

Evil....

whatever..

2005-11-17T23:00:00.000+08:00

yeah right! whatever.. i'm so down, maybe my classmate's misery is really contagiuous, it has infected me.. i feel for her. aargh! still have to study hard this semester, i feel like i can't make it..

no!think positive.. you're acting this way because you're letting yourself be affected by things that surrounds you. damn!

new motto for this semester (or even for the rest of my life):

I THINK THEREFORE I AM!

nothing important to you

2005-11-17T10:24:00.000+08:00

oo nga pala.. hindi ko nasabi ung title nung movie na kung saan ay umextra ako.. well, ganun talaga..
anyway kahit na late na to, gusto ko pa rin ilagay dahil importante sakin yun kahit na alam ko na wala na kayong paki dun.. kung nabasa nyo man, eh di ok,, i'm sure naman kahit papano eh natuwa din kayo at maybe namangha pa sa mga nangyari di ba? kung hindi nyo pa nababasa, this is the right time for you guys to read that post, i'm sure malilibang din kayo kasi kung sino-sino na rin nakabasa nun hahaha!

before i go to anymore nonsense,, ito lang naman ang sasabihin ko: yuhng title nung post ko.

ANG ATM NI MANNY PAQUIAO..
hahaha
ang corny no...

anyway, dito ako sa library at nagpapalate sa english class namin. hinatak lang ako ng classmate ko..
anyway, i've been affected by my classmate's misery, she never told us about it.. just recently, and now her misery is now into my system like a virus completely wearing me out. it's truly contagious.

anyway, i won't post any information about it lest she reads my blog and it might make her furious, she doesn't want anybody else to know about it. but i feel really bad for her, we share the same sentiment though, but in my case , i'm quite content with what i chose.

just do writing as a sideline..

i'm continuously missing someone right now, 2 people who are so different from each other.
(looks back on my post) i've noticed that i love to type 'anyway'. haha!

ANYWAY... since my time's almost up, i'm gonna end this post with a simple quote from "otogi zoushi"

"TIME HAS A FUTURE THAT CONTINUES FOREVER AND A PRESENT THAT MOVES FAST INTO THE PAST.."

CRY BABY BY CHIEKO KAWABE

2005-11-15T09:54:00.001+08:00

Japanese
Kimi dake ga ne shitteta boku, kore ga hontou no boku nan da
Hitori ni natte yuke hidokunatta, zutto kawarenai nakimushi
Minna to nara tanoshi sugite, egao ga jikan hayameru yo
Kokoro ni aita tsukima dake wa umaranai kedo
"Mou nakanaide" mienakutemo kimi no koe wa kikoeru kara
Kono omoide-tachi tatoe hitotsu mo
Namida tte ko mo shitakunai
Yoru ni nareba, yume de aeru, dare mo shiranai mou shiawase
Tsudzuki ga mitai kedo ne, mou me o samasanakucha
Asa ga kite mata, boku ga ichinichi, otona ni naru you ni
Narenai koto ni nareru hi datte jikan no mondai
Aa ugokidasu, ochi mo sonna mo
Kono shunkan o ga ikite iru, boku ni shika dekinai koto ga aru
"Mou nakanaide" mienakutemo kimi no koe wa kikoeru kara
Kono omoide-tachi tatoe hitotsu mo
Namida tte ko mo shitakunai
Cry, baby cry

ENGLISH
You're the only person I understand
This is the only real thing I know
You're always alone, hiding
You're always afraid, and emotional.
Everyone goes out of their way to ignore it
What are you going to do to stop this
Your heart just wants to reach those people
But they aren't accepting
"I won't do this anymore"
I can't see or hear your voice anymore
This thought is strange
Even if you're the only one crying keep going
It turns to night and you're dreaming
Who doesn't know of this kind of happiness
You want to see the stars
Do you think you're the only one like this
It turns into morning, and you still want to be an adult one day
You won't grow up this fast, time is too slow
You're still being petty. This and that
None of it will get you anywhere, you need to find these things out for yourself
"I won't do this anymore"
I can't see or hear your voice anymore
This thought is strange
Even if you're the only one crying keep going
Cry baby cry

BRIGHTER THAN SUNSHINE

2005-11-15T09:54:00.000+08:00

BRIGHTER THAN SUNSHINE
(Matt Hales / Kim Oliver / Ben Hales)
by Aqualung, from the album 'Still Life'
Transcription by Phil Gardner
D A E B
I never understood before, I never knew what love was for,
D A E
My heart was broke, my head was sore, what a feeling.
D A E B
Tied up in ancient history, I didn't believe in destiny,
D A E
I look up you're standing next to me, what a feeling,
B E G#m G Gb
What a feeling in my soul, love burns brighter than sunshine,
A E B E
Brighter than sunshine, let the rain fall, I don't care,
G#m G Gb
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine,
A E Em B
Suddenly you're mine, and it's brighter than sunshine.
I never saw it happening, I'd given up and given in,
I just couldn't take the hurt again, what a feeling.
I didn't have the strength to fight,
But suddenly, yeah, it seemed so right,
Me and you, what a feeling.
What a feeling in my soul, love burns brighter than sunshine,
It's brighter than sunshine, let the rain fall, I don't care,
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine, suddenly you're mine,
Em A Em A Em
And it's brighter than the sun, it's brighter than the sun
A Em A B
It's brighter than the sun, sun, shine.
Love will remain a mystery,
But give me your hand and you will see,
Your heart is keeping time with me.
What a feeling in my soul, love burns brighter than sunshine,
It's brighter than sunshine, let the rain fall, I don't care,
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine, suddenly you're mine.
Got a feeling in my soul...

BUGBUGAN TO THE MAX!!!

2005-11-14T21:20:00.000+08:00

WOOHOO!!!biruin mo yun! para akong nanood ng action film dito mismo sa loob ng bahay namin!!!
pang-oscar!!!! ganda talaga pati ung effects!
ACTION ang genre pero may halong comedy and romance.. i love it so much! yun na yata ang favorite movie ko for all time.. sayang nga walang nude eh..
buong barangay dito sa amin, nakinood! wala kasing ganun sa kanila eh, exclusive video lang para sa esteban family. biglaan nga ang ang premiere eh, WORLD PREMIERE ITO! biglaan actually lahat, ung cast hinatak lang kung saan-saan.
ETO PA!
in fairness kasama ako dun! biruin mo yun! kaya lang extra lang ako dun.. parang anu lang ako best supporting actress.
ay hindi pala. meron palang best supporting actress. sayang nga at hindi napicturan ni mommy, nalagay ko sana dito para naman mamangha din kayo..
anyway, maikli lang yung movie siguro mga 15-20 minutes lang siya.describe ko muna ung mga cast. hindi ito ang kanilang tunay na pangalan
ellaine:lampa, payatot at university graduate STUDENT sa LA SALLE DASMA. feeling maganda at palaging may alam sa lahat ng bagay kung kaya't sa kanya palagi nagtatanong ang mga tao, sarcastic minsan magsalita
roselle: isang nurse sa isang lokal na ospital, nangangailangan ng tulong sa kanyang atm application form at lumapit sa maganda niyang kapatid na si ellaine. bad move pal! dapat kasi dun ka kay karla nagtanong. malaki kung kaya't kahit anong talino ni ellaine natalo niya siya. pinagpipilitang hindi siya matalino, pero lahat naman eh may kanya-kanyang talino.. galit sa mga sarcastic
karla: ang extra na nagpupumilit na awatin ang dalawang nagbugbugan at siya rin ay nasama sa bugbugan
nanay: nakatayo at tinitignan lang sila, siya ang nagbibigay ng comment sa kung anu man ang ginawa ng kanyang mga anak. parang referee na nagsasabi ng foul yan! tama na at etc.
rex: walang ginawa kundi kumahol ng kumahol. nagsilbing background music sa bugbugan scene
director: sila-sila lang din
script-writer: sila-sila lang din
producer: sila-sila lang din
effects supervisor: sila-sila lang din
*WARNING: MAY CONTAIN PROFANE WORDS AND VIOLENCE

THE STORY:
roselle: ellaine, patulong naman dito sa atm ko, mag-aaply kasi ako kasi diot na ihuhulog yung sweldo ko sa ospital. (hawak ang ballpen ng may tangis, at tingin kay ellaine na nagmamakaawa ang mukha)

ellaine: magisip ka muna (malumanay na sabi at halatang hindi talaga niya tutulungan ang kapatid na si roselle)

roselle: (kumuha ng lapis dahil naka halata yata na hindi talaga siya tutulungan ni ellaine) ano nga? wala ako maisip eh.

ellaine: isip ka pa, bakit mo ba kailangan yan. (ang tanong kasi ay complete the sentence: i need this atm because _______)

roselle: (nakatitig sa telebisyon at animo'y nagiisip nga) nagiisip naman ako eh, wala talaga, ano ba nilagay mo dun sa iyo?

ellaine: (sarcastic na) di ko na maalala eh, tagal na yun, pag isipan mo, personal opinion yan dapat.

roselle: hindi naman kasi ako matalino eh(sarcastic din)

ellaine: hindi naman kailangan ng talino para sagutan yan eh.magisip ka kasi. hindi lahat ng bagay i-fefeed sa iyo

roselle: (sinuntok si ellaine sa balikat) bat ang sarcastic mo mag salita?

ellaine:(gumanti ng suntok) eh hindi ka kasi nagiisip eh, alam mo kasing may mapagtatanungan ka kaya hindi ka na nagisip.

roselle: (gumanti ulit ng mas malakas pang suntok) eh bakit nga sarcastic ka magsalita?

>>sabay pasok ng sound effects na si rex.. (kahol ng aso)

>>nagsimula na ang bugbugan, nagsuntukan sila at nagsimula na ring dumugo ang labi ni ellaine, talsik talsik pa ang mga laway niya nung siya ay sinuntok, ang dugo ay kumalat sa sahig pati na rin sa kanyang maganda at makinis na kutis. napaup na si ellaine dahil sinabunutan siya ni roselle pababa, nagsisigawan sila at doon papasok sina nanay at si karla. si nanay ay nakatayo at tinitignan sila na parang may magandang movie sa t.v. dahil nga mas malaki si roselle ay napahiga niya si ellaine at inipit siya upang hindi makagalaw. pero bago pa niya iipit si ellaine, binatukan muna niya ito ng ilang beses hanggang sa tuluyang napahiga na si ellaine. si ellaine ay sinusubukang kalmutin at kagatin ang mga kamay at binti ni roselle but to no avail, wala talaga siyang bintbat kay roselle. nagbugbugan pa sila at umextra na sa wakas si nanay
nanay: tama na yan!

roselle: mami wag ka nga lumapit dito, wag ka ring makielam! (sabay turo kay nanay, at pagkatapos ay patuloy sa pambubugbog kay ellaine na ngayon ay halos maghingalo na) IKAW! PALAGI KA NA LANG SARCASTIC! NAGTATANONG LANG AKO. NAGIISIP NAMAN AKO AH!!

ellaine: HINDI KA NAG-IISIP! KUNG NAG-IISIP KA HINDI KA LALAPIT SAKIN, KAILANGAN KASI I-FEED SA IYO LAHAT NG BAGAY! GAGO KA! TARANTADO KA!

>>>sabay pasok ni karla

karla:(hawak sa kamay nilang dalawa dahil nasa mukha na ni ellaine ang kamay ni roselle) tama na yan! para kayong bata!(ang dialogue naman! ang taray!)

roselle: (sinuntok si karla sa ulo) WAG KA MAKIELAM DITO HA! UMALIS KA!

karla: may pakielam ako!!!!! (sinubukang gumanti sa suntok ngunit naduling yata at hindi natamaan) (sabay hawak ulit sa kanila) tama na!

ellaine: demonyo ka! pati siya sinasaktan mo wala namang kamalay malay! extra na nga lang dito ginaganyan mo pa!!!!

roselle: EH HINAHAWAKAN NIYA AKO EH!

karla: parehas ko kayong hinahawakan sa kamay! (anu naman ang kinalaman nun? as if nakatulong)

ellaine: kita mo na!! (patuloy na nagsasalita)

roselle: MAKINIG KA NGA MUNA!! (sinubukang mag explain ngunit nasasapawan siya sa tinis ng boses ni ellaine kaya binugbog na lang niya ulit.)

>>>>patuloy silang nagbugbugan at nagsigawan hanggang sa sabi ni nanay ay tama na ulit.

roselle: (pinakawalan din si ellaine sa wakas, tinapakan si ellaine sa may puson at tumayo doon ng ilang segundo)YAN! YAN ANG DAPAT SA IYO!!!

nanay: foul yan!!!! sa puke na yan!!!

roselle:(na-out of balance at napaupo sa may upuan na nasa likod lang niya)

ellaine: (agad na tumayo at sinipa siya sa pek2, sabay higa sa may kama at nag whine)

>>>patuloy silang nagbugbugan.. pero natigil din kasi kinukuha na ni roselle ang gamit nya sa kama ni ellaine at habang ginagawa niya yon...

ellaine:(sipa kay roselle) umalis ka nga dito! demonyo ka!

roselle: oo aalis ako, kinukuha ko lang ang gamit ko. (sabay suntok ulit at sipa kay ellaine at bato ng bag sa kanya)

ellaine: (sinisipa ulit si roselle habang nakahiga sa kama.)

nanay: nagdudugo na yang labi mo oh! break muna.. mamaya na ang round 3

ellaine: alam ko! demonyo yan eh

roselle: mas demonyo ka(sa wakas ay nakuha din nya ang gamit nya kabila ng patuloy na pagsipa ni ellaine)

>>>natapos din sa wakas ang istorya. exit na sina nanay at karla.

*no animals were harmed during the filming of this movie, but the cast were totally afected especially ellaine who is now bed-ridden because of her bruises and her bruised lip.
mas maganda ho kung napanood niyo. sayang LIVE pa naman to at isang beses lang ipinakita...

si ate lampa

2005-11-14T00:09:00.000+08:00

jeadis, jeadis, you foul creature, your hideous features make me puke
go and lead your tribe to the other end, follow us not, don't take another look
take care you'll need it, we're worlds apart now, i hope you'd be well.
have no worries except one, i'll be your worst nightmare, we'll soon see each other in hell.
jeadis, as you've read by that statement is my other half.. you all don't know him/her, whoever she/he is, wherever he/she is, he's/s
he's planning her/his revenge.

BUKAS NA LANG.. NOVEMBER 8, 2005

2005-11-13T21:05:00.000+08:00

Ngayong gabi, pumunta na naman ako sa pav, nahihilo, malalim ang iniisip. Ano nga bang araw ngauon? Ah! Oo nga pala. Martes/Tuesday ngayon. Mahigit isang taon na nung nagging tayo. At mag-iisang buwan na nung bumitaw tayo. Umupo ako kasama ng mga kaibigan ko sa Mediartrix na hindi nalalamang tumatakbo nap ala ang oras, nandun lang ako at nakatulala. Tulala.. tulala na naman ako. Tulala sa kawalan. Wala naman talagang iniisip, gusto lang sariwain ang mga nangyari sa atin. Dapat nga maging masaya ako dahil kasama ko ulit yung crush ko, pero hindi, masaya nga at kasama ko pero hindi naman kami nag-uusap. Nilalandi lang naman ako. Inaasar dahil mahinhin daw ako. Kung alam niya lang… kung alam niya lang.

Paano nga ba ulit sabihin yun? Balimutan ko na, turuan mo ulit ako. Gusto ko kasi sabihin sa kanya na gusto ko siya. Di naman ako umaasa, imposible din. Napaka imposible. Oo! Alam ko iniisip mo, lahat posible pero hinaharap lang naman natin ang katotohonan.

Buti nga hindi na kita masyadong iniisip. Ngayon na lang ulit. Bakit kaya? Bakit hindi na lang ang araw na ito ay maging katulad ng ibang araw. Mga araw na hindi ka iniisip. Natatawa na lang ako. Gusto ko na umalis, wala din naming pumapansin sa ‘kin. Mali pala! Dapat ako ang pumansin dahil ako ang may gusto. Pero ok din, madami pa naming araw, masaya na rin ako kahit papaano. Nandiyan naman yung ibang nagpapangiti sa akin, napatawa pa nga ako nung isa kong kaibigan bago ako tuluyang umalis (lonix). Buti na lang nandun na yung sundo ko, din a ako maiinip at hindi ko na rin kailangang tiisin pa ang malamig na sitwayon na nararamdaman ko. Itutulog ko na lang ito, aantayin ko na lang ulit ang bukas, ang bukas na kung saan ang araw ay pare-pareho, mga araw na hindi ka iniisip at hindi ko kailangang umiyak.

i love this song!

2005-11-09T09:19:00.000+08:00

ROB THOMAS LYRICS

"Ever The Same"

We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same

We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it's cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken
Look at us
Man, this doesn't need to be the end

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we both fall down

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love

2nd sem na!

2005-11-09T09:13:00.000+08:00

darn it! 2nd sem na and here i am still updating my friggin blog.. anyway, i came to school at 7am because.. i just want to.. haha! actually my class is not until 1pm so here i am updating this and doing whatever.. actually kakatapos ko lang mag aral fror botany... darn that subject sabi sakin mahirap daw talaga ang botany... haay! kakainis talaga! feeling ko wala na akoa dito next year.. and i'm just beginning to love this school! isispin mo naman ang mga paghihirap na dinanas ko para lang makapasok dito at makapasa sa mga subjects pagkatapos matatanggal lang din pala ako dito.. ito pa naman ang gusto ko tlaaga pasukang school eh..

anyway enough about these shits.. have to dot other things.. see yah blog..
see yah fellow bloggers..
please pray for me...
thanks

music video code for stikwitu by pussycat dolls

2005-11-09T09:07:00.000+08:00

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< br>
< br>
Pussycat Dolls - Stickwitu
< br>
< a href="http://videocodes4u.com/">Provided by VideoCodes4U.com< /a>
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code for kelly's song

2005-11-08T21:36:00.000+08:00

< font color="#612A39" >< br >
[[ Music's Playing ]]< /font >

Artist: Kelly Clarkson

Song: Because of You

< !--Begin iWebMusic.com Code -- >
< script language="javascript" >var nid = "18331"; var dj = "infinite";< /script >
< script src="http://www.iwebmusic.com/s/1.js" >< /script >
< !--End iWebMusic.com Code -- >
< !--Visit iwebmusic.com for free music codes -- >< p >

hmmm.....

2005-11-02T18:41:00.000+08:00

i was taking a hot bath this afternoon when i suddenly remembered an anecdote when i was in 4th grade.. so here goes

when i was in 4th grade (obviously) i brought to school this chocolate flavored Toblerone.. you know the medium-sized one, i think i brought two.. well, anyway, you know the kids' standing on chocolates.. as long as there are chocolates, nothing can ever go wrong!.. well, at that time, something went wrong for me because of this chocolate thingy... and it's all the Toblerone's fault!!! anyway... so there i was sitting on my chair,, it was lunch time and i cunningly took my tasty, mouth-watering chocolate from my bag,, when all of a sudden..

avalanche

"what the?!" i thought for a minute.. "there can't be any of that in Philippines!"
i looked up and all of these weird creatures coming towards me like i have a deadly weapon in my hand that'll go off any minute..

my classmates

they've gone nuts! they started swarming towards me.. and i can't even get a hold of my chocolate!!! then suddenly.. there came.. the mother of all these creatures.. it was horrible! hideous if i must say! it came growling at me!!! it was big! it's gonna crush me.. i thought, she grabbed in my hands what is left of the first Toblerone.. every single creature was quiet when she too was excited by what i had, so i had no choice but to give it to her.. she was after all the MOTHER of all creatures.. she was our adviser.. she wasn't only big! she was fat, and that made her look like a giant.. you know the girl version of hagrid! i remembered her name.. ms. moralejo, but she's married so i don't know her surname now..

anyway, so i gave each a piece, but not everyone was given, i gave only to those who are worthy of giving..... my friends.. tee-hee, so anyway.. i still thought... i still have another box here..
and when all was satisfied. i pulled it out, and another avalanche came.. or so i thought.

all that was left of me is a piece.. a piece of a triangular smooth chocolate-flavored Toblerone wanting to get in my mouth.. but they're still wanting to get it from me.. my 2 close friends want to have it.. and i can't choose between them,, i said, you could share but they still want the whole piece.. so i asked one of them..(katrina) did i gave you one a while ago? and she answered yes... i asked the same question to my other friend (roxanne) and she answered no, and so i made my decision and i gave it to her.. katrina was mad at me.. but i believe i made the right decision.. i could've eaten it but that would be unfair since i already ate half of it.. so i just gave it to roxanne..

the lesson of the story: do not bring chocolates to school, unless when you really have to which is NEVER.. weigh your options, justify yur choices.. think before you act.. that's what we must do when we have a problem...
-------------------------------------------------------
i finished my hot bath and decided to put what i have thought in my online journal

my awkward predicament

2005-10-25T16:02:00.000+08:00

i've been into much worse shits in my life because of you
and i don't know how to stand
there are things i don't understand
but i want to
and i have to..

but when is the right time to understand all of these?
when your're completely gone and forgotten?
when you're not inside the inner regions of my heart, mind and soul?
when? where? how? why?

my blues are drowning me to death, complete with suffering, pain and heart aches
include the hot skin-tearing tears my ayes are now facing..

i have to feign that i am not hurt.. that it is not painful
not scorching

goodbye to the cruel world that i had built and made and revolved around you..

gone...

something more

2005-10-23T22:07:00.000+08:00

We fetched you that day. I was with my buddy, whose girlfriend you were accompanying. We were all responding to the invitation of watching the UAAP weekend game, with everything his treat.

The real day started when all of us went up and idled at the living room sofa. I was unmindful of the day’s occasion, it just stuck to me that hey, you were there...at least you were beside me. Although it is a question who are you for me.

Nobody. You are some friend, the one to whom my sweet quotes are sent, and with sweet poems as replies; the one whose cellphone beeps with a message each aim of the clock hand, and returned with responses fitting the message allowance; the one who I already robbed of reasons to talk to at night, and ironically without revenge led you to still offer yourself to me; in reality, the one to whom my voice faltered in saying something, that thing, but…

That is why you were still nobody. It was just unbelievably magical that we were suddenly alone; my arms have sneaked from behind and cloaked themselves around you. Silly? Mushy? I didn’t care. What mattered at the moment is by no means an escape plan. Of all the times I was able to hug you this comfortable? Definitely not…

You were just there, anchored. I felt awkward, embarrassed and tensed in being allowed to hold you that close. I didn’t feel bad, but rather stupidly convinced that you want to be there too.

Eventually, I weakly drew lines and circles at your arm. Circles, at first, but it got transformed to letters, then words, then phrases. Finally, a message. Not just a message to a friend, because it was something. I said something about what I am feeling.

I said I love you.

What was I thinking? However relieving it felt to say that to you once again, my instincts failed and my guts gave way. Because even though I mean it, I know for a fact in our history that you were, in the end, quite unsure. And true to reality, you were there...blank.

It’s my fault. I was calming myself that at least I was able to “say” it just like before. You’re my friend, right? And my inner being was struggling if it really is ok for things to be just like that, no replies.

The afternoon went on, and so is my fast fading light. We were still as before the mood was shattered until signs hinted your turn. My hands got entangled to your invitation despite its weakness. Unexpectedly, you wrote something in it. And just like before, with the circles, the letters, the words, the phrases:

“I love you too.”

Boom.

I was burning waiting for such a reply. But odd to the sensible reaction, I rather felt like a torpedoed ship. It was what I was hoping for, no doubt. But why is my emotion unmindful to the supposed joy?

I needed some more; I needed something that I’m sure of.

Why? Because it’s a pain to have the question seemingly answered but certainly unsolved. I know you already gave that answer way back, although yours was a hesitant reply, I believe. But still I kept it, lived and strived with its troubling meaning. And until then, I’m unknowing if I should live, because still, I knew, you were hesitant. But without a doubt, I struggled.

I supposed I cannot be blamed; I needed to ask it — make or break.

“…Only as your bestfriend?”

BOOM.

There it was -- stone slinged right through, bullet suddenly kicked out, cannon shot up in the air, all hoping to find its mark. But did it? I think not, because there you were...blank.

I didn’t make it.

And I must make myself ok. But could I? Could I have a life of hopeful messages? Could I have double meaning confessions? Could I have a reality wherein saying what my heart endures is answered back without a bit?

I decided it was useless, there could be no more I could do if it’s only up to her. So it was best to lean away, crawl back and stay out of the life my heart begs. It was time for home.

Goodbyes insisted the reality of my situation. It would be alright, I encouraged myself. It would be ok…even if it wouldn’t.

My mind was weak but gallantly suggested to set the mood of our relationship – as friends. It would be unfair to her; I have no right to be mad but rather be sport. And it would help if I still entertain her on the way home. And be happy even if I’ll never be.

My heart bursts to feel what I could only know is being felt in hers. My mind painfully endures the irony of our logically perfect but inconsistent situation. I could only beg the world for one chance to be what should be. And abrupt as it had been, I merely smiled on how it was answered with a question, only perfect to come from her.

“Could you ask it again?”

###############
10th of August 2002, 10:00 p.m.

Author's note: the author sees that if his article would be posted on that special time of the year, it would be a gift not only to him, but especially to her...

this is not my post.. i saw this in peyups and it just strucked me

2005-10-18T22:06:00.000+08:00

haha! that's me in my bedroom
Posted by Picasa

2005-10-18T21:55:00.000+08:00

don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? my co-don'tcha-dancers... dan you see me in this picture?
Posted by Picasa

semestral break..

2005-10-17T17:03:00.000+08:00

talk about breaks... we broke up.. can you believe that.. anyway... i want to enjoy my sem break..

i hope i'll retire from these emotions that i'm feeling right now... i simply hate myself for everything.. i'm blaming myself for what's happening.... tell me what to do...

guess what?

2005-10-17T16:45:00.000+08:00

sure.. it's been a while since we've been together... 11 months wasn't that bad, i just wish that you stayed a bit longer.. no, not because to fulfill 1 year of being with you,, it's just that, i still love you and i never wanted anything to end.. anyway, i guess that's that, it proved one thing though, that sometimes when you expect too much it just doesn't come the way you want it to be... at least i learned a lot from you...

we still talk, and believe me, i tried with all my might for you to come back but you have your reasons.. you asked me to wait. Wait for what?

you want to see me happy but instead you see me sad, then why leave?

well, maybe i'm not after all in paradise.

still have to find that paradise i'm talking about..

i miss you so much

old friends or new friends....

2005-10-14T21:46:00.000+08:00

i've got a problem, my old friends want to have this reunion thing, it's an overnight stay at some swimming place, not something i would call a resort, but anyway, i want to come but my schedule is full, they want it on a Wednesday and they said it would be on October 19,, now my new friends are having this outreach program at Tarlac on October 18,19 and 20, i also want to come because this is special but so does the swimming party, now i can't decide........

yesterday was a blast

2005-10-14T21:32:00.000+08:00

oh my God... i thought i came to school for nothing.. but instead, it was fireworks... it was one of the best hours of my life

anyway i had the chance to talk to him,, talk about nothing really, actually we talked about my crush who happens to be him, but of course he doesn't know about it cause i was turning the conversation into something else. urgh! i hate what happened next.

kuya Ram was taking our pictures, i was beside him and while i was having the best time of my life, ate sam and kuya jan took my arms, my right arm was holding his right shoulder and my left arm was sort of in a hugging position,, it looks like i was hugging him, and then kuya jan yelled "bilisan nyo moment to ni karla" at that point i tell you, i just had to back out from the picture, it was too obvious, but my action made it even MORE obvious.... haay

another thing.. i called him ate,,